SUNDAY JUNE 25, 2017
 
INSIDE TORO
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This morning, Toronto Raptors general manager Bryan Colangelo and coach Dwane Casey held their State of the Franchise press conference at the Air Canada Centre. And despite being responsible for another crap season in dino-land, Colangelo was confident.

"[Reaching the playoffs] is the new expectation going into next year," the GM said.

Colangelo also made it clear that he fully supports his coach: "I can absolutely tell you that...Casey and I get along in a way that most coaches and management people do. We challenge each other."

Of course, Colangelo might not even be here next season. In the coming weeks — Colangelo thinks the next two or three — Maple Leafs Sports and Entertainment will have to decide if their GM deserves another go at the helm.

Casey meanwhile, while under guranteed contract for one more season, will likely be fired or ostracized if Colangelo doesn't return.

Other issues discussed at the press conference included Andrea Bargnani, this year's draft, and Kyle Lowry's alleged beef with Casey.

You'll be able to watch a replay of the press conference on the Raptors' website shortly.

Related >> Throwin Smoke: Colangelo Has Got to Go
Related >> Egos and Icons: The Bargnani Dilemma

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Variety reports that Legally Blonde actress Reese Witherspoon got legally smashed early Friday morning and was arrested for disorderly conduct. Her husband, Hollywood agent Jim Toth, was arrested for driving under the influence.

Toth had been swerving across two lanes when Atlanta police pulled him over. According to a police report, he appeared disheveled and smelled of alcohol. 

As Toth was being arrested, Witherspoon began a tirade. "Mrs. Witherspoon [hung] out the window and said that she did not believe that I was a real police officer," the report details.

After resisting arrest, Witherspoon asked the officer if he knew who she was, and claimed that his legitimacy would be questioned on "national news."

Late Sunday night, Witherspoon released a statement apologizing for her actions: "I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said ... I was frightened for my husband, but that is no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job."

Check out an incredibly accurate animated version of the incident below.

Related >> Daily TORO: Dentist Arrested for Drilling While Drunk

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Newbie songstress Carly Rae Jepsen and poet-legend Leonard Cohen were the big winners at this weekend's Juno Awards in Regina. Jepsen won three awards, including Album of the Year, while Cohen took home two, including Artist of the Year.

Other big winners were Marianas Trench (Group of the Year), the Weeknd (Breakthrough Artist of the Year), and Metric (Alternative Album of the Year).

Most of the Junos were given out on Saturday, with Sunday reserved for the headline TV performances and host Michael Bublé's pretty face pretty face.

You can check out the full list of winners below.

Related >> TORO TV: A chat with Carly Rae Jepsen
Related >> Music: TORO Reviews Leonard Cohen's Old Ideas


SUNDAY

Album of the Year: Carly Rae Jepsen, Kiss

Single of the Year: Carly Rae Jepsen, "Call Me Maybe"

Group of the Year: Marianas Trench

Breakthrough Group of the Year: Monster Truck

Songwriter of the Year: Leonard Cohen, for "Amen," "Going Home" and "Show Me the Place" (co-writer Patrick Leonard) from Old Ideas.

Adult Alternative Album of the Year: Serena Ryder, Harmony

Juno Fan Choice Award: Justin Bieber

SATURDAY

Artist of the Year: Leonard Cohen

Breakthrough Artist of the Year: The Weeknd

Pop Album of the Year: Carly Rae Jepsen, Kiss

Country Album of the year: Johnny Reid, Fire It Up

Alternative Album of the Year: Metric, Synthetica

Rock Album of the Year: Rush, Clockwork Angels

Rap Recording of the Year: Classified, "Inner Ninja" (featuring David Myles)

Dance Recording of the Year: Anjulie, "You and I"

R&B/Soul Recording of the Year: The Weeknd, Trilogy

Electronic Album of the Year: Grimes, Visions

Metal/Hard Music Album of the Year: Woods of Ypres, Woods 5: Grey Skies & Electric Light

Adult Contemporary Album of the Year: The Tenors, Lead With Your Heart

Roots & Traditional Album of the Year, Solo: Rose Cousins, We Have Made a Spark

Roots & Traditional Album of the Year, Group: Elliott Brood, Days Into Years

Vocal Jazz Album of the Year: Emilie-Claire Barlow, Seule Ce Soir.

Contemporary Jazz Album of the Year: Joel Miller, Swim

Traditional Jazz Album of the Year: Murley, Bickert & Wallace, Test of Time

Instrumental Album of the Year: Pugs & Crows, Fantastic Pictures

Francophone Album of the Year: Louis-Jean Cormier, Le treizieme étage

Children’s Album of the Year: Emilie Mover, The Stella and Sam Album, featuring Emilie Mover

Classical Album of the Year, Solo or Chamber Ensemble: Amici Chamber Ensemble, Levant

Classical Album of the Year, Large Ensemble or Soloist(s) with Large Ensemble Accompaniment: James Ehnes, Tchaikovsky: Violin Concerto

Classical Album of the Year, Vocal or Choral Performance: Karina Gauvin, Prima Donna

Classical Composition of the Year: Vivian Fung, Violin Concerto

Reggae Recording of the Year: Exco Levi, "Storms of Life"

Aboriginal Album of the Year: Crystal Shawanda, Just Like You

Blues Album of the Year: Steve Strongman, A Natural Fact

Contemporary Christian/Gospel Album of the Year: The City Harmonic, I Have a Dream (It Feels Like Home)

World Music Album of the Year: Lorraine Klaasen, Tribute to Miriam Makeba

Jack Richardson Producer of the Year: James Shaw, “Youth Without Youth” and “Breathing Underwater,” from Synthetica

Recording Engineer of the Year: Kevin Churko (co-engineer Kane Churko): In This Moment, "Blood" (from Blood); Five Finger Death Punch, "Coming Down" (from American Capitalist)

Recording Package of the Year: Justin Broadbent, art director/designer/photoagrapher for Metric, Synthetica

Video of the Year: Drake, "HYFR," dir.: Director X

Music DVD of the Year: The Tragically Hip, Bobcaygeon, by Andy Keen, Bernie Breen, Patrick Sambrook and Shawn Marion

International Album of the Year: Mumford & Sons, Babel

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So, TORO cover boy Ryan Gosling is basically the most studly dude ever, right? Is it possible that he could get more ubermenschy? Apparently, yes.

Witness below two new trailers for Gosling's Only God Forgives, directed by Drive auteur Nicolas Winding Refn.

In the movie, Gosling plays a kickboxer and former gangster who goes after a corrupt Thai police officer who murdered his brother. Fighting and acts of badassery ensue.

If Refn's filmography is any indication, this film is going to be an intense blood bath riddled with pathos. It will also be a lot of fun.

Only God Forgives hits theatres July 9.

Related >> Daily TORO: Ryan Gosling Issued World's Largest Traffic Ticket
Related >> Film: TORO Reviews The Place Beyond the Pines

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It's well known that comedian Patton Oswalt is a Star Wars nerd. His hilarious tyrades against George Lucas and the prequel films are legendary among disenfranchised fans.

This Thursday, Oswalt appears on Parks and Recreation as a man who attempts to fillibuster a city council vote. Naturally, the comedian launches into a brilliant eight-minute rant on how he thinks Star Wars: Episode VII should unfold.

You can watch the clip below.

Oswalt's sheer endurance and commitment to the joke is astounding in scope. And his ideas actually aren't that bad.

We hope J.J. Abrams is taking notes.


Related >> Daily TORO: Patton Oswalt Takes On Batman as the Penguin
Related >> Daily TORO: J.J. Abrams On Directing Star Wars Episode VII

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The third trailer for Zack Snyder's Superman epic, Man of Steel, has landed. And it's the most extensive yet. You can watch it below.

In the preview, we get a clear vision of how the film's plot will unfold (it's pretty much the classic Superman story, only retold in a contemporary, flashy way) and a glimpse at some astounding set pieces.

Producer Christopher Nolan of the Dark Knight franchise preaches a "relatable" approach to the superhero genre, and it seems he and the director have successfully found that tone with Man of Steel.

The film stars Henry Cavill, in the title role, along with Amy Adams, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon, Kevin Costner, and Diane Lane.

Man of Steel hits theatres June 14.

Related >> Daily TORO: Check Out the Man of Steel Poster

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It was recently announced that Steve Buscemi would direct a Vampire Weekend concert film at the Roseland Ballroom on April 28, 2013 — as weird as that sounds.

Well, a director needs to get his directees, don't he?

Witness below the first in a series of web sketches wherein Buscemi develops his relationship with the band.

It's a terrifically awkward bit of comedy, and you get a sneak preview of some of Vampire Weekend's new songs.

We can't wait for Episode 2.

Related >> Vampire Weekend to Play Sasquatch! Music Festival
Related >> Film: TORO Reviews The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

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In Christopher Nolan's Batman movies, the title character claims to have one rule: he doesn't kill people.

But throughout the trilogy, he watches that guy from Taken helplessly die in a train crash, lets Anne Hathaway shoot Charles Bronson to death, and blasts Edith Piaf's truck off a ramp, the impact of which kills her.

Contradiction much?

Our friends at College Humor have also picked up on the discrepancy and lampoon the movies' sloppy screenwriting in a new short. You can watch it below. 

Patton Oswalt stars as the Penguin while comedian Matt Holmes does a spot-on impression of Christian Bale and his ridiculous lips.


Related >> Listed: Batman Costume Fails

Related >> Radar: The Weakness of Patton Oswalt

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The Canadian Press is reporting that Toronto hip hop artist Maestro Fresh Wes (AKA Wesley Williams) will release his first album in 13 years.

The new long player, titled Orchestrated Noise, will drop June 25.

Guests on the album include Sam Roberts, Measha Brueggergosman, Chuck D, k-os, Kardinal Offishall, Lights, Sadat X, the Trews, Kool G Rap, Divine Brown, Saukrates, and Rich Kidd.

Williams claims Orchestrated Noise will be an extension of his 1989 album Symphony in Effect, "fusing classical violins with rock guitars."

After winning the Juno for Rap Recording of the Year in 1991, Maestro became a pinoeer of Canadian hip hop. His unique sound and talent helped legitimize a genre, and represented a window into young black culture.

Maestro will attend the Junos this weekend in Regina. His Black Tuxedo EP is nominated for Rap Recording of the Year,

Related >> Sigur Rós Announce New Album, Share Video
Related >> TORO Woman: Lights

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Apparently owning a Ferrari means you can break the law and disrepect minorities.

Recently, YouTube prankster Roman Atwood witnessed some jerk illegally park in a disabled spot. So Atwood decided to "pee" on the car with a strategically placed water bottle. 

Needless to say, the Third Reicher rich gentleman was pissed. When told by Atwood that he had wrongfully parked in a disabled spot, the gentlemen gave the irrefutable counter argument: "It's a Ferrari!"

The car owner also threatened Atwood by claiming, "I could buy your whole family!"

Seems like Ferrari owners are almost as crazy as horse lovers.

Related >> Sharpie Penis Prank Leads to Assault

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This weekend, K-pop sensation Psy released his new song, "Gentleman," on YouTube and it has already been watched 63 million times.

In the video, Psy goes around pranking hot girls and little children. And that's about it. Oh, and that little man in the yellow suit is also back.

"Gentleman" doesn't quite have the soaring catchiness of "Gangnam Style," and its new cock-thrusting dance isn't that great. But how do you follow-up a song that has over 1.5 billion views on YouTube?

Even if you don't like his music, Psy isn't going anywhere. So you might as well ride the wave, if only for the sake of party conversations.

Related >> Listed: 6 Meme Afterlives
Related >> Dailt TORO: Bill O'Reilly Doesn't Get "Gangnam Style"

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 "Wait, what the ship did he just say?" American retail outlet Kmart has a brilliant new ad campaign that encourages you to "ship your pants." Watch the hilarious commercial below.

And your nightie, and your drawers, and your bed for that matter.

The video is, of course, promoting Kmart's service of shipping whatever you buy to your house.

The best part of the commercial is reading the closed captioning that doesn't quite get it right.

Funny ship.

Related >> Daily TORO: Finally, A Calendar of Girls Covered in Poo
Related >> Daily TORO: Let's Take a Ride on the Poo-Scalator

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Parent Dish is reporting that a British girl has eaten nothing but instant noodles for 11 years.

Georgi Readman, pictured above, suffers from Selective Eating Disorder, a disease that prevents her from eating other foods without the fear of getting sick.

Readman eats on average 9 packages a week, which works out to 30 miles of noodles a year.

"I just love noodles," she says. "Mum goes to the supermarket and brings back as many packets as she can afford. Luckily they're only 11 pence."

Though Readman looks like a normal 18-year-old, her doctor claims she has the health of an 80-year-old woman.

"I hate having to put up with this all day everyday," Readman says. "My dream is to eat healthily and put on weight."

So, the next time you complain about your Mom's meatloaf, make sure to punch yourself in the nuts.

Blog DAILY TORO
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Move over, Michael Jackson! We've got a new nomination for worst parent ever.

Some lady got really angry at another lady while riding the bus. So angry, in fact, that she decided to throw her baby at another passenger so she could get into a fist fight. You can watch the carnage below.

At least Epic Beard Man didn't hurt anyone but his victim.

According to some scholarly journal called the New York Daily News, the incident took place in Hartford, Connecticut.

Neither woman has been identified. Hopefully the baby turned out OK.

Related >> Daily TORO: Jessica Simpson's Baby is Kinda Funny Looking

Related >> Daily TORO: Girl Gets Plate to the Face in Toronto Restaurant Brawl

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Metro Meteor, a 10-year-old bay horse, has just sold an "abstract" painting for $2,100.

Looks like the glue factory will have to wait.

According to the Star, an anonymous buyer from Kingston, Ontario, purchased a watercolour by the steed entitled "Passion Fruit."

A gallery in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania — which anonymous sources tell TORO may or may not be the incest capital of America — has also started showing the horses "work."

This whole gimmick is the brainchild of Ron Krajewski, the horse's owner. Krajewski "helps" Metro Meteor by choosing the colours, placing the brush in the horse's mouth, and rotating the canvas. So basically everything.

"[Metro Meteor's] contribution is huge," says Krajewski. "He produces strokes that I could not do."

He can also produce dumps the size of your torso, Ron. That doesn't make him Pollock.

To be fair, the money made from Metro Metor's paintings —over $20,000 so far —goes to vetrinary care and a charity that helps old race horses find homes. 

Still, calling this art smells like horseshit to us.

Related >> Horse Meat Found in IKEA Meatballs


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Ever since The Simpsons stopped being good, the couch gags have gotten longer and wackier. It's hardly a fair trade for hardcore, old school fans, but what are you gonna do?

This Sunday, The Simpsons' couch gag is a short film tribute to Breaking Bad. You can watch it below.

There's no meth, but Marge does become a big-time cupcake dealer.

Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul even make cameo appearances at the end.

The second half of the fifth and final season of Breaking Bad resumes July 14 on AMC. The Simpsons, meanwhile, will be on TV until the next nuclear holocaust.

Related >> Talking To: Breaking Bad Star Dean Norris
Relared >> Daily TORO: Is The Simpsons Coming to an End?

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Have you ever wanted to eat a pig that thought it was a chicken? Well, with amazing knife skills — or a one way ticket to Sweden — now you can!

Witness below Fäviken chef Magnus Nilsson's morbidly inventive "Frankenchicken," a poultry carcus reconstituted with pork meat and covered once again in its own skin. And then cooked in 27 pounds of butter.

The video was filmed for the "Apocalypse" edition of Chef David Chang's Lucky Peach magazine. Nilsson plays himself in a post-apocalyptic 2034 in which our toxic farming practices have rendered chicken poisonous and therefore illegal.

The video was created by Lucky Peach editor-in-chief Chris Ying and Dark Rye's Ira Chute with delicious results.

Nilsson recently spoke at Toronto's Terroir 7 food symposium.

Related >> Chef David Chang On MSG's Goodness
Related >> Rene Redzepi Attends Toronto's Terroir 7

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This is either some pervert scheme or a discovery worthy of the Nobel. A group of scienticians in France (obviously) claim that bras actually make breasts saggy.

According to the titologists, underwear is not effective in "denying breasts gravity," and is a "false necessity."

Tell that to Diane Choksondik.

The 15-year study — the fuck? — was led by Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, from the University of Besancon. He spent time leching observing the breasts of 330 women.

"Medically, physiologically, anatomically, breasts gain no benefit from [bras]" said Rouillon. "On the contrary, they get saggier."

Oddly, Rouillon claims that "it would be of no benefit to a 45-year-old mother to stop wearing a bra," because, you know, she doesn't have the supple, perky cream pouches of a 17-year-old virgin who signs up for bizarre medical experiments.

Related >> Sex: An Artful Look at Breasts
Related >> Daily TORO: Woman Smothers her Boyfriend to Death with Boobs

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Is it too early for some cocaine and raunchy sex? No? Then behold the trailer for Filth!

Based on the novel of the same name by Trainspotting author Irvine Welsh, the film follows a corrupt, bipolar, bigoted junkie cop (James McAvoy) trying to get a promotion and win back his wife and daughter. Filth is directed by John S. Baird and also stars Jim Broadbent, Jamie Bell, Kate Dickie, Eddie Marsan, and Imogen Poots

The poster, pictured above, kind of says it all.

This trailer is not safe for work. Unless you work at TORO, where the cocaine flows like waterfalls and sexual deviancy among interns is currency. 

Filth comes out in the UK in September. It does not yet have a North American release date.

Related >> The Red Band Trailer for Danny Boyle's Trance

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The Drake One Fifty, the Drake Hotel's first standalone restaurant, will be opening early this summer in Torotno at 150 York Street.

The open kitchen concept will be headed by Executive Chef Ted Corrado and continues the Drake's tradition of making modern comfort food with high quality, local ingredients.

The 6,000 plus-square foot space will hold 175 diners and include a bar, micro-Drake General Store, aert and performance space, and 70-seat patio.

"Our new venture in the thriving core of downtown Toronto allows us to showcase our superb food and cocktail program as the headline act," Drake CEO Jeff Stober said in a statement.

The Drake One Fifty will also continue the chain's reputation as Toronto's "best brown liquor purveyor" with a mix of both classic and innovative cocktails.

Related >> The Drake Hotel Hires Executive Chef Ted Corrado
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