WEDNESDAY MARCH 29, 2017
 
INSIDE TORO
Blog DAILY TORO

[html]

esnookipolizzi.jpgIn an interview with GQ, Jersey Shore star Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi claims that her castmate Mike 'the situation' Sorrentino has spent most of his money. Please note that Snooki only did the interview because she thought GQ stood for 'Guido Quiz.'

I'm not sure if I trust everything Snookerz has to say, considering that in the same profile she also reveals she doesn't read books and would vote for Donald Trump if she had the chance.

Then again, those are opinions likely held by a majority of North Americans. The interview also reveals that she is a trained veterinarian tech, which means that legally, she can perform an operation on herself.

Blog DAILY TORO

Justin_Bieber_bio.jpgBieb-y bump alert! More than a bump actually — a lady claims singing doll Justin Bieber fathered her full-blown, womb-free baby but refuses to acknowledge the tyke. JustBie vehemently denies the charges. She explains that their one sensual experience led to a lil' one.

She also says that Justin's reps didn't respond when she let them know that there is now an heir to the singer's plush throne.

As an unbiased observer, my opinion is that I'm glad the baby isn't mine! If she thinks Justin isn't paying attention to the kid, wait till she sees the way I would react. If I had a surprise child, I would be scared enough to invent a time machine and quickly go to an era with less laws concerning responsibility.

Apparently Justin refuses to take a paternity test, which some see as suspicious. I find the creepy combination of contempt, confidence and youth in his eyes far more suspicious.

Blog DAILY TORO
bond22.jpg

The title of the 23rd James Bond film was confirmed at a press conference yesterday: it will be called Skyfall which everybody already knew already but never mind that. My proposed title Quadrangle of Assuagement was unfortunately rejected.

More bits of Skyfall info (via Digitalspy):

- The film will be shot in London, China, Istanbul and Scotland. Neato.
- Albert Finney will co-star, also Albert Finney apparently still alive.
- Director Sam Mendes has reassured fans there will be lots of action, giving his previous action blockbuster movie Away We Go (2009) a run for its action blockbuster movie money.
- Javier Bardem and Daniel Craig will be taking their shirts off? Don’t know why we needed to know that but now we do.
- No theme song performer has been confirmed yet but it’ll probably be Adele. Probably.

Skyfall will hit screens October 2012.

Blog DAILY TORO
team_canada_uniforms.jpg

We will, no doubt, ramp up the enthusiasm for our athletes in time for next summer's Olympic Games in London. But yesterday's unveiling of Team Canada's Olympic uniforms? Well, let's just say that was met with less than tepid enthusiasm.

The Hudson's Bay Co., which took the reins from Roots in the Olympic uni department, debuted the collection of Canadian street-inspired looks yesterday.

"We wanted to create uniforms that showed what Canadians really looked like," Bay fashion director Suzanne Timmins told CTV News.

Apparently, we sew boy scout badges on everything.

Elements unveiled so far from the collection — not so coincidentally, now in stores in time for Christmas sales — include a windbreaker, jean jacket (toss in matching blue jeans and you've got a Canadian tuxedo!), crew-neck sweatshirt and track jacket.

But badges? We don't need no stinking badges.

We will say this, though, it's an improvement over the Beijing collection.

 

Blog DAILY TORO

[html] Four years after I thought I’d pummeled my last prostitute to death, here comes Grand Theft Auto V:



Huh? Remember the good old days when games didn’t have trailers? All you had to go on was a box with a cartoon squirrel in space shooting ghosts or whatever, and life was easy? Oh, memories. So glad video game characters now refuse to shut the hell up and every title has 8 days worth of cutscenes.

“MORE CUTSCENES!”
 - America’s Youth

Also this:

GTAinsert.jpg

I really hope that isn’t a red herring.

Blog DAILY TORO

e18068image1.jpgThe STOP's annual fundraiser, What's On the Table, returns to Toronto's Wychwood Barns tonight just in the nick of time.

Parents need not cave into cravings to abscond with the halloween candy from out of their children's pillowcases. What's On the Table is basically Halloween for adults but without the obligation of costume or the threat of Thrills gum.

$225 gets you a taste of some of the finest restaurants in Toronto, including but not limited to, The Chef's Inn, Mission Hill Winery, Scaramouche, Niagara Street Cafe, Parts & Labour, Luma, Beast, Victor, Canoe, Trevor Kitchen, C5, Jamie Kennedy Kitchens, Mildred's Temple Kitchen, Cowbell, George, Chiado, Cafe Belong, Noce, Aria, Ruby Watchco, The Gabardine, Monforte Dairy, Frangipane, Soma, Nadège Patisserie, Kurtis Coffee, The Stockyards, Buddha Dog, Pizzeria Libretto and Starfish.

And like the kid who collects for Unicef on Halloween, you too can feel good about your gluttony. All proceeds help support The Stop’s critical and innovative anti-poverty and anti-hunger programs.

Blog DAILY TORO

The comedy of Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job and Tom Goes to the Mayor is abrasive and confrontational, so much so that their standard 15-minute episodes have never felt too brief.

So the idea of a 90-minute Tim and Eric movie sounds, let’s face it, fucking impossible. It’s essentially a coin toss between six Awesome Show episodes in a row or a neutered, Hollywood version of the same, neither of which seems very appealing. Nevertheless Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie apparently exists, as confirmed by this “trailer” and a close V.O.D. release date of January 27. I remain nervously optimistic.

UPDATE: Billion Dollar Movie has a poster now. Through it we can confirm a wolf is involved (maybe, who the hell knows) and it will be rated R for "Strong crude and sexual content throughout, brief graphic nudity, pervasive language, comic violence and drug use." Watch out. 

More DAILY TORO
PlaylistleadSept.jpg

[html] This week in the TORO Playlist, Nicki Minaj and Rihanna overcome adversity, Bruce Peninsula return after long while, and Little Girls burrow into your eardrums.

Nicki Minaj feat. Rihanna “Fly” (from Pink Friday, available now)



Blitzen Trapper - “I Love the Way You Walk Away” (from American Goldwing, available September 13)



Future Islands - “Balance” (from On the Water, available October 11)


Bruce Peninsula - “Salesman” (stand-alone single, new album Open Flames available October 4)



Little Girls - “White Night” (from Cults EP, available now)


The Loom - “The First Freeze” (live @ SXSW, originally from Teeth available November 1)



Lil Wayne - “President Carter” (from Tha Carter IV, available now)

Blog DAILY TORO
KimKardashianandKrisHumphries1.jpg

Never mind that hoops fans are having to find other things to do with their spare time during the NBA lockout. The work stoppage has claimed its first marriage casualty.

Kim Kardashian and former New Jersey Nets benchwarmer Kris Humphries have confirmed that they have filed for divorce, just 72 days after their $10-million, made-for-TV marriage ceremony.

TMZ first reported that Kim had cited 'irreconcilable differences' in divorce documents and it was believed that Humphries's desire for his new bride to leave the warmth of L.A. for his native Minnesota were at the centre of the split.

But Kardashian's friends are now speaking out, saying that with too much time on his hands, Humphries  became focused on achieving all the fame afforded to one who marries an amateur-porn-star-turned-reality-TV star. Humphries, it seems, was interested in building his personal brand with a line of products, including fragrance. 

Say it ain't so! How could anyone sink so low as to pimp themselves out to reality TV in order to make money?

It would have been interesting to see what Humphries's fragrance would have been called. We're sure Ms. Kardashian has a few ideas. Over The Hump, Dry Hump and Hump This all come to mind.

Blog DAILY TORO

aerosmith_1669509c.jpgFamous ghoul Steven Tyler had the misfortune of taking a tumble in the shower in Paraguay, while on tour with his fellow ancients in Aerosmith.

This isn't the first fall for the world's skinniest elderly man — he has fallen off stages in the past and fallen off the wagon almost every day of his life.

Speaking of his life, it's more difficult to watch than a civil war re-enactment where the only participants are invisible men.

Poor (rich) Steven had to have his teeth replaced and sported a shiner, but gamely returned to touring just days later, only proving that perhaps he isn't quite rich enough to retire yet, which would explain his presence on American Idol.

Blog DAILY TORO
Playlistleadoct28.jpg

[html] This week on the TORO Playlist, Drake comes back to Toronto for his latest video, Ohbijou and The Pack A.D. get spooky for Halloween, and Kirsten Dunst helps close the book on R.E.M.

Drake - “Headlines” (From Take Care, out November 15)



R.E.M. - “We All Go Back to Where We Belong” (From Part Lies, Part Heart, Part Truth, Part Garbage 1982–2011, out November 15)





Ohbijou - “Niagara” (From Metal Meets, out now)



Pancho-san - “Kick the Fences Down” (From Oh ... Mellow Melody, out now)



Nans & Nat - “I Can’t Listen” (From The Right Words, out now)



The Pack A.D. - “Haunt You” (From Unpersons, out now)





 

Blog DAILY TORO
expendables2arnoldslywillis.jpg

Sad news from the set of The Expendables 2: Expendable Boogaloo; Entertainment Weekly reports that an explosion has killed one stuntman and injured another during a second unit shoot in Bulgaria.

While this is totally tragic obviously it’s hard to believe anyone, dead or alive, could fail to appreciate the irony of spending hundreds of millions of dollars on pretend death explosions only to have someone actually die, for real. Especially ironic considering all my Expendables Death Pool money was on Stallone having a heart attack while trying to lift his plastic toy rocket launcher prop. So yeah, sorry for making light of this awful situation and for including the above picture (movie’s not out yet, it’s all we’ve got!) as supplemental content, but it was hard to avoid.

Blog DAILY TORO
Tree.jpg

I’m not one to regurgitate celebrity gossip, but this juicy item is too ripe to leave on the tree. Speaking of trees Michael Lohan, father of retired actress and current professional boob-shower Lindsay Lohan, recently fell out of one while trying to escape police officers following a breach of probation.

Apparently Lohan was ordered to stay away from his current girlfriend; "If you even dream about it and you violate my order, you will go to jail," said Judge Walter Heinrich, elected administrator of Dreamland. Lohan’s dreams were apparently so vivid the cops burst into his pad Inception-style while the perp dropped himself out the window, landed on a tree, fell down and broke his foot.

Although initially reluctant to comment, the tree has since given the following statement to E! News: “I honestly felt violated when Mr. Lohan threw his saggy, leather-tanned frame on top of me but I have since come to the conclusion that it was, for him, a life-or-death situation. I am glad to have stopped Mr. Lohan’s final descent onto the pavement though I hope he will reimburse the cost to clean the smell of tequila and Arby’s from my leaves.”

 

Photo Gallery DAILY TORO
Sounds3.jpg

Party-fired Swedish indie rockers The Sounds are on the road, spreading their pure sonic energy. Touring in support of their most recent album Something To Die For, we caught up with them at Toronto's Opera House. Check out The Sounds online for tour dates to catch them live.

Below: Watch their video for their popular track "Painted by Numbers"

Photos by Brian Patterson

Blog DAILY TORO
MI4.jpg

Two awful movie poster updates in one week? The North Korean children getting paid two bowls of fermented bean paste per day to craft these things are getting sloppy.

On first pass this poster for Mission: Impossible: IV: Ghost: Protocol seems pretty straightforward. Quartet of badass spies walking through the desert, emphasis on the “team” aspect of the original Mission: Impossible television series according to some message board post I read (I have never seen an episode of the Mission: Impossible television series though I did play through the Nintendo version.)

But what is up with their lower halves? Take a closer look:

Missioninsert1.jpg

Let’s put aside the general awkwardness of walking with both hands stuffed in your front pockets (try it) as poor Tom Cruise doesn’t appear to have any pockets to speak of. He’s clearly got his arm stuffed right down the waistline, up past his wrist somehow by the looks of it. But that’s nothing compared to the chicken walk of Mr. Simon Pegg:

Missioninsert2.jpg

As the shading doesn’t make immediately clear which of Pegg’s legs is which, he either really has to go the bathroom but can’t possibly stop to whip it out, or is undergoing some kind of straight-line walk sobriety test at a 45 degree angle away from his fellow spies. Either way he looks profoundly uncomfortable.

Blog DAILY TORO
bieber.jpg

[html]A milestone was reached this week, with two Christmas albums occupying the top of the Billboard charts – the first time since 1957 that this has happened. Who can we thank for this particular game-changer? Micheal Bublé & Justin Bieber, the modern day Tango & Cash, whose respective seasonal albums are making their record labels dance a “tango” because of all the “cash” they're making. The video for the duet “All I Want For Christmas Is You” with Bieber and Mariah Carey is, likely helping sales – which kind of depresses me, because I'm sick of that any version of that song, ever, and also because because the only older lady/teenager duet I like is the Beavis and Butthead & Cher version of "I Got You Babe." As for Bublé, maybe I live in a 'buble', but I had no idea he was so popular!



Blog DAILY TORO
sb10068701ab001.jpg

While most Canadians aren’t watching the World Series (apparently, most Amerks aren’t either), there is some baseball news we can get excited about.

And we’re not talking about corporate H.R. policy changes in Blue Jays-land that prohibit manager John Farrell from talking to the allegedly interested Red Sox about taking the helm in Boston.

Instead, we’re talking about the Pan Am Games where Canada, managed by former Jays catcher Ernie Whitt, stunned the U.S. with a 2-1 victory to claim baseball gold.

Jimmy Van Ostrand drove in Canada’s two runs with a sixth-inning double.

“We’ve finally accomplished what we set out to do,” said Whitt. “I am so proud of these guys. They’ve worked so hard for this and didn’t give up.”

The gold medal victory ends a run for Cuba, which had won 10 straight titles at the Pan Am Games.

Blog DAILY TORO

As noted in our recent roundup of awful Halloween costumes, going out as an “African King,” “Jewish Rabbi,” or “Mexican whatever” is kind of horrible and pretty lazy considering the EIGHTEEN QUADRILLION other choices you have that don’t grossly mock somebody else’s ethnicity.

Now a group of Ohio students have given this issue, which I can’t believe is still even an issue, some public awareness; Students Teaching About Racism in Society have launched the “We’re a Culture Not a Costume Campaign” and you should take a few minutes out of your day to check it out, if only for the sobering reminder that you and your friends won’t be spending the night of October 31 in a vacuum. [Via CNN]

Blog DAILY TORO

[html]

header_154395.jpgThe thinkable has happened: Lindsay Lohan will be posing for Playboy Magazine.

The least employable ginger in the world has taken the opportunity to show her Lo-yams for one million dollars. People are already saying the sum paid seems silly, considering she's already done some nude posing. What they don't realise is that the photo-shoot, inspired by the Martin Short/Dennis Quaid movie Innerspace, will involve photos of the inside of Lindsay's body, taken by a shrunken-down photographer in a tiny spaceship. He will likely perish during the experience.

Blog DAILY TORO
torontotriumph.jpg

If you're planning to go see the Toronto Triumph of the Lingerie Football League take on the Baltimore Charm on Friday at Ricoh Coliseum, don't bother checking out the website to see who's suiting up for the home side.

Twenty of the 26 players on the roster have walked out or been let go in the past month. All this comes after some of the players voiced concerns over safety and inadequate coaching. Among those to leave the team was captain Krista Ford — daughter of Toronto Councillor Doug Ford and niece of Mayor Rob Ford.

Several of the team's players suffered injuries — sprained ankles, concussions, pulled hamstrings — during the team's inaugural game back in September. After players complained to management, one was told via email to "SHUT UP AND PLAY FOOTBALL."

League chairman Mitch Mortaza characterized the former players' complaints as "sour grapes."

A 48-14 loss to start the season and now this before their second game. All is not well in lingerie football land.

But it will be interesting to see who the Triumph can recruit and get game-ready on two weeks notice. Game time at Ricoh Coliseum on Friday night is 10 p.m. Stay tuned...

TORO FEATURED VIDEO