SUNDAY JUNE 25, 2017
 
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Hey, remember when you said that you hated Michael Cera because he only played Michael Cera? Well suck on this: Witness below the trailer for Magic Magic, in which the bird-looking actor from Brampton plays a creepy, hypnotizing sadist.

Directed by Chilean Sebastián Silva, the film follows a young woman (Juno Temple) on her first trip outside the United States. Then Michael Cera does weird things to her.

The movie premiered at Sundance and is Cera's second film with Silva, the first being Crystal Fairy, in which the actor played a cokehead.

So basically Michael Cera is going to play a Christian college quarterback with autism in his next film.

Magic Magic is out on DVD August 6.

Related >> Film: The Death of Scott Pilgrim

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The trailer for Woody Allen's new film, Blue Jasmine (the one with Louis C.K.), has just landed. You can watch it below. It looks intense.

In the film, the unmatchable Cate Blanchett plays a New York housewife who goes to live with her sister in San Francisco after she loses all of her money. Also in Blue Jasmine is Andrew Dice Clay (yes, that one), Peter Sarsgaard, Alec Baldwin, Michael Stuhlbarg, and Sally Hawkins.

True to form, Allen delivers biting dialogue and utter devastation in the film. Also sexy ladies and pretty locales.

Blue Jasmine premieres in selected cities July 26.

Related >> Daily TORO: Here's the Poster for Blue Jasmine | Watch Every Woody Allen Stammer Ever

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Hogtown loves doughnuts. TORO really loves doughnuts. So it makes sense that Calgary-founded Jelly Modern Doughnuts would open up at College and Bathurst in Toronto.

Jelly Modern, owned by sisters Rosanne and Rita Tripathy, makes local, organic, gourmet doughnuts made daily with aesthetic flare.

"We've tried to make it a real experience," Rita told the Globe and Mail. "From the minute somebody walks into the shop, [they see] an environment that is reflective of our personalities."

The chain's more popular indulgences include the Maple Bacon, the S'more, and the illegal substance known as the Hand Filled, a robust monster topped with chocolate and strawberries, and stuffed with banana, cream, and other ungodly ingredients.


Jelly Modern Doughnuts | 376 College Street, Toronto | 416.962.2053 | www.jellymoderndoughnuts.com | @JellyModern

Related >> TORO TV: Caplansky's Maple Bacon Donuts (Bitches) | Daily TORO: Food Network Presents Donut Showdown

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Our friends at Grub Street are reporting that the Toronto-founded Big Smoke Burger is opening its first restaurant in New York City.

The meat temple will be located in a 1,000-square-foot space at 70 Seventh Avenue, by Manhattan's West Village. The chain plans to open 50 new locations in the States over the next five years.

Founder and CEO Mustafa Yusuf, who's spent over 20 years in the food industry, began franchising Big Smoke Burger in February of 2012.

The restaurant founds its success on making classic burgers with "modern twists" (their lamb burger is made with local meat and cilantro-feta spread). Big Smoke Burger prides itself in renting smaller, neighbourhood-driven locations.


Related>> TORO TV: Carl Heinrich's RIb-Stuffed Burger | Greek Barley Burgers with Steam Whistle

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They always say that the food you crave is the food your mom made when you were a kid.

The crack experts at the Toronto Star are reporting that American confectioner Lollyphile has made a breast milk-flavoured lollipop.

"I wanted to know what it tasted like, so a friend shot some in a glass for me," said Lollyphile founder Jason Darling. "It was so good...I hadn't had any in so long." And your mother's thankful for that, Jason.

"People are terrified of drinking breast milk," Darling went on, "but they have no problem drinking cow's milk and they don't even know the cow." That sounds like the strongest argument for cannibalism we've ever heard!

Breast milk is apparently sweet and rich, with notes of cinnamon and almond.

Coming soon: Placenta-flavoured Jelly Bellys, vagina Vitamin Water, and Hellman's Semen Surprise!

Related >> Daily TORO: TV Host Drinks Breast Milk...from a Breast
Related >> World's Greatest Lover: Ejaculoid: An Unscientific Trial

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Did you know that Canada and the United States have a deforested border (pictured above) that can be seen from space, known as the no-touching zone? Did you know that what appears to be a straight 49th parallel is actually 900 zig-zagging line? And did you know that we still have disputed territory with our American neighbours?

Well know you know. Witness below "Canada and the United States: Bizarre Borders," a video made by YouTube user and self-proclaimed "map geek," CGPGrey. It contains absolutely everything you didn't know about the world's longest unprotected border.

Another strange fact: Small populations of Americans live in what should be Manitoba and British Columbia, but our forefathers didn't have GPS back in the day and fudged it all up.

Who knew geography could be interesting?

Related >> Travel: Canada's Top 10 Biker Routes | TORO Explores the North Carolina High Country

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Attention, we have just discovered the newest best thing ever: "25 Rapper Yearbook Photos", courtesy of our friends at Complex Music.

What these musicians wouldn't give to make sure these photos never saw the light of the Internet is anyone's guess.

Eminem looks like he's about to take residence on a Grassy Knoll; Lil' Jon looks like E.T. the Extra Terrestrial; Queen Latifah looks like somebody on The Cosby Show.

And then there's Wale. Who the fuck is Wale?

Related >> Daily TORO: Mozel Tov! Drake Graduates from High School
Related >> Daily TORO: Raptors' Matt Devlin and Wale (Who?) Got Beef

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In early July, Chef Anthony Rose opens his new barbecue restaurant, Big Crow, in the backyard of his current temple to grease, Rose and Sons. As with all his endeavours, the famous Toronto chef is shitting bricks of excitement.

"It's hard work," Rose tells TORO. "Everyday there's a setback, but it's very fun. I just wish I could take a couple of weeks off to go to the cottage."

You see, the restaurant's name is inspired by Algonquin Park. As a child, Rose spent a lot of time camping up north, and continues to visit the park when he's not shaking up the Toronto food scene.

"We wanted a name that said charcoal barbecue and outdoor cooking," Rose says. "One of the lakes up north is called Big Crow; it's just beautiful."

The 60-seat Big Crow — reachable via alley on the side of Rose and Sons — is the second of three joints Rose plans on opening in his post-Drake Hotel life. The new restaurant will feature simple yet beautifully executed comfort food inspired by Rose's early food memories, and his love of Jewish and multicultural cooking. Things like ribs will be smoked Southern-style, but Big Crow will mostly grill its meat and seafood — very Canadian.

Related >> TORO TV: Fried Eggs, Rose and Sons Style | Rose and Sons' Sexy Bread Pudding (with Bacon)

"One thing we'll be doing is what we call 'meat and two,' so you order a protein, and then you choose your sides," Rose tells us. "It's about Canadiana and throwing in a bunch of curveballs for fun."

Big Crow, like its sister restaurant, will also serve local brew, though the wine list may be limited to only one or two Ontario brands. Concerning cocktails, whatever will be offered by the glass will also be offered by the pitcher. "There will be lots of coconut-ty shit," Rose says.

Limiting the restaurant's cooking methods and opoerationality poses a lot of challenges for Rose and his team. "Did we order a grill that was big enough? Will we have enough room? These are the things we have to think about," says Rose.

Still, worrying about keeping up with orders in a packed restaurant is probably the best worry a chef could have.

Big Crow will be located behind Rose and Sons at 167 Dupont Street, Toronto.

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The Calgary Sun is reporting that an Air Canada flight from Calgary to Newark got scary yesterday when a pilot began screaming, demanding that he be let off the plane.

Suffering from what the crew called "a medical issue," the pilot was restrained in an executive class seat after the incident, somewhere over Toronto. Passengers with medical training were asked to treat the man.

"The cockpit door opens and there is the pilot and he starts screaming and holding onto the airline attendant saying 'Help me, help me," passenger Dave Brown told the Sun.

The plane eventually diverted to Pearson International Airport where the pilot in question was treated by paramedics.

Air Canada has refused to release any more information about the pilot's medical condition, citing the importance of privacy. Of course, this secrecy raises concerns over whether the airline is properly checking the medical history and condition of its pilots.

Related >> Daily TORO: Lady Gets Kicked Off Plane for Singing Whitney Houston

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This morning, reigning NBA Executive of the Year Masai Ujiri was introduced as the Toronto Raptors' president of basketball operations and general manager — and it was a emotional.

"I don't have anything written, so I'm going to speak straight from my heart," a tearful Ujiri began. "I'm home."

Born in Zaria, Nigeria, Ujiri is the first African-born executive in NBA history. Formerly the assistant general manager to Bryan Colangelo, Ujiri returns to Toronto after three successful years of running the Denver Nuggets. There, he crafted a championship contender with shrewd trades and excellent drafting.

But Ujiri's goal now is to bring a championship to Toronto.

"This is a beautiful place with beautiful fans," he said. "When we do our job, we're going to put a product on the field that has to produce."

Ujiri also said that he didn't see "any reason" why the Colangelo-hired head coach Dwane Casey wouldn't return next season.

In the coming weeks, the new Raptors boss will have to evaluate his players, consider using the amnesty clause to fall below the league's luxury tax threshold, and find a willing trading partner for Andrea Bargnani.

Related >> Egos and Icons: The Bargani Dilemma | Time for Raptors to Rebrand

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NXNE has just announced that Ludacris will headline a free show on June 16 at Toronto's Yonge-Dundas Square. Expect the joint to go bananas when Luda drops the Toronto shoutout in "Pimpin' All Over the World."

Also on the bill are Joey Bada$$, Smif N' Wessun, Fat Tony, the Underachievers, Mickey Avalon.

Big Boi was originally scheduled to headline the show, but the musician suffered a serious knee injury and will not attend.

Also playing free shows at Yonge-Dundas Square that weekend are the National and Billy Talent.

In case you didn't know, NXNE is weeklong cultural festival that takes over downtown Toronto every June. According to the festival, you can expect "1000 bands, 30 films, 150 comedians, and 60 artists" to be there.


Related >> Daily TORO: The National to Play Free Show at NXNE


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In a world devastated by brutal civil wars and fanatical fascist dictators, we need some levity to stop us from killing ourselves. Enter The Anna Nicole Story from the art house powerhouse that is the Lifetime network.

Yes, we all needed a biopic about Anna Nicole Smith, because it's never too soon to exploit raunchy dead people. You can watch the teaser below.

Surprisingly directed by Canadian Mary Harron (American Psycho), the film follows the very ugly last few years of Smith's life. We see her drink, take drugs, disappoint her son, have sex, show her breasts, take more drugs, put on face paint, etc.

Smith is played by Agnes Bruckner, of 24 and Touched by an Angel fame. We know, we've never heard of her either.

The Anna Nicole Story airs June 29 on Lifetime.


Related >> Daily TORO: Here's Matthew Fox's Mitt Romney Biopic | Talking To: Hugh Hefner


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The investigative savants at Gawker are reporting that unnamed female soldiers are being punished for "tarnishing the image of the Israeli Defense Forces" by posting sexy photos of themselves on Facebook.

One picture (attached below) depicts four recruits showing off their assets outside, on base.

In Israel, every citizen, even the sexy ones, must serve in the army if they want to retain their rights.

The Israeli media have dubbed them the "undressing soldiers," and the ladies seem to like the attention. After the G-string photo made headlines, the soldiers returned to Facebook, this time posting photos of themselves with their guns covering their bare breasts (also below).

Pundits both for and against the soldiers' actions have come out like Roseanne at a bake sale. We at Daily TORO support the ladies. If G.I. Jane is any indication, sexy female soldiers can more than hold their own.

Related >> Daily TORO: Naked Bea Arthur Painting Sells for $2 Million | Listed: 9 Famously Naked People

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According to our friends at Exclaim, Broken Social Scene will perform their album, You Forgot It In People, in its entirety at the Field Trip Music and Arts Festival.

The band "will perform all of seminal sophomore record You Forgot It In People, as part of its one-night-only return from hiatus," Arts and Crafts said in a statement.

It's not known whether Broken Social Scene will perform other material, though the band is famous for playing very long sets in Toronto.

Arts and Crafts also announced that Broken Social Scene and Feist will play Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on June 6.

The Field Trip Music and Arts Festival takes place June 8 at Fork York and Garrison Common. Limited tickets are still available.


Related >> Talking To: Kevin Drew | Daily TORO: Broken Social Scene Inspires Short Story Book

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Have you ever wondered what The Last Supper would look like if it was directed by Wes Anderson? Well, now you know, because Vampire Weekend has just released the video for "Diane Young." You can watch it below.

From the band's most excellent album, Modern Vampires of the City, "Diane Young" is a frenetic dancer with voice modulation worthy of Peter Frampton (or Sesame Street).

The video is directed by Primo Kahn, and stars the band doing silly things. Also, someone smokes pot from a saxophone.

You can pick up Modern Vampires of the City wherever people "buy" music these days.

Related >> Music: TORO Reviews Vampire Weekend's Modern Vampires of the City
Related >> Daily TORO: Steve Buscemi Joins Vampire Weekend, Sort Of

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The Indiana Pacers' centre Roy Hibbert has been fined $75,000 for using a homophobic slur. You can watch his gaffe below.

After expressing his respect for teammate Paul George in a post-game interview, Hibbert jokingly used the phrase "no homo," to clarify his sexual orientation.

The centre apologized via the Pacers' website: "I am apologizing for insensitive remarks made during the postgame press conference after our victory over Miami Saturday night. They were disrespectful and offensive and not a reflection of my personal views. I used a slang term that is not appropriate in any setting, private or public, and the language I used definitely has no place in a public forum, especially over live television. I apologize to those who I have offended, to our fans and to the Pacers’ organization. I sincerely have deep regret over my choice of words last night."

Commisssioner David Stern took exception to Hibbert's comments. "While Roy has issued an apology, which is no doubt sincere, a fine is necessary to reinforce that such offensive comments will not be tolerated by the NBA," he said.

Related >> Daily TORO: NBA Centre Jason Collins Comes Out as Gay
Related >> Egos and Icons: Time for Raptors to Rebrand

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In a recent interview with the Guardian, actor Michael Douglas claims that he got throat cancer from delivering oral sex. Seriously.

The cancer, Douglas said, came from human papillomavirus, a common STD that is not known for triggering cancer.

Dr. Michael Brady, a sexual health specialist, told the Associated Press that Douglas may be correct, but it's impossible to pinpoint exactly where the cancer came from. Brady noted that it is more likely the actor picked up his illness from smoking and drinking.

Douglas is currently cancer free, and happily eating out Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Related >> Daily TORO: Can Marijuana Prevent Cancer? | Woman Tries to Poison Husband with Vagina

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Below is the newest Greatest Video of Ever, for today. And it's only six seconds long.

Originally posted on Vine and then on YouTube by the one Eric Dunn, it has become a symbol of the Internet's miraculous propensity for rowsing the world, and wasting time at work.

The video already has over a million views, and untold millions to come.

"Six seconds has never been more controversial," Dunn writes in the video's description.

Nor has it ever been so amazing.

Related >> Listed: 6 Meme Afterlives | Daily TORO: Pornstars Reenact Memes, Internet Gets STDs

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According to The Hollywood Reporter, former TORO cover girl Jessica Paré, Tommy Chong, and Jerry O'Connell will guest star on CTV's Satisfaction, currently filming in Toronto. All three actors are, of course, Canadian, and all three are, of course, awesome.

Satisfaction is a single-camera comedy from Up All Night writer and Montreal native, Tim McAuliffe. The series follows three "20-something friends and roommates as they take each day in stride, and try to achieve the perfect balance between adult responsibility and their carefree existence," says CTV president of programming and sports, Phil King.

Those three Gen-Yers are played by Leah Renee, Luke Macfarlane, and Ryan Belleville.

Directors on the show include Jason Priestley and  Mike Clattenburg (Trailer Park Boys).

In short: This may be the greatest Canadian TV show of all-time.

Satisfaction premieres on CTV June 24 at 8 p.m.

Related >> Print Archive: April 2004 with Jessica Paré | Radar: Chatting with Chong

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According to Bloomberg Markets, these Canadian CEOs are richer than you think.

The heads of Canada's Big 5 banks are among the 20 best-paid bank CEOs in North America, and three of them rank among the most overpaid relative to their bank’s assets, performance of its shares, and return on equity.

With 2012 compensation of $12.6 million, Royal Bank's Gordon Nixon is the highest-ranking Canadian and fourth overall on Bloomberg's list.

At seventh overall is Bank of Nova Scotia's Richard Waugh, who brought in a 2012 salary of $11.1 million. Directly behind him, with a salary of $10.8 million is Toronto-Dominion's Ed Clark.

Considered underpaid, but still enormously wealthy, were Canada's two other big bank CEOs. The Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce's Gerald McCaughey, who earned $9.3 million last year, comes in at 11th overall. Following him at 12th, with a salary of $9.2 million, is the Bank of Montreal's Bill Downe.

Also on Bloomberg's list at 17 is the National Bank of Canada's Louis Vachon, with a compensation of $7.2 million.

Related >> Listed: 5 Travesties of Wealth

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