WEDNESDAY MARCH 29, 2017
 
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Austin, Texas rockers The Bright Light Social Hour filled Toronto's Yonge-Dundas Square last night for a free show as part of Virgin Mobile's Indie Fridays. TORO's Tony Felgueiras was on the scene with exclusive access to capture the performance In Pictures.

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Tim Thomas supports fast food restaurant Chick-fil-A's homophobia, thus reaffirming our support for the forceful implementation of human muzzles.

The NHL goalie recently took to Facebook to confirm his anti-gay, hard-on religious solidarity with the poultry merchant.

"I stand with Chick-fil-A," typed Thomas.

His traditional professional athlete verbosity evidently spoke volumes, as the comment already has well over 30,000 "Likes," mostly sponsored by the Rick Santorum Institute for Archaic Profundity.

In case you didn't know, last week Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy took a public stance against gay marriage saying, "I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we would have the audacity to try to redefine what marriage is all about." (Cathy, of course, sources his confidence from a how-to book that has to tell people not to sleep with their sisters.)

In saying this, Cathy established his corporation as a hate crime processing plant, alienated the hundreds if not thousands of gay people that work for him, and set back American society another 50 years. (By our count, the States’ accumulated moral time travel puts the country somewhere between the Bronze Age and the third sacking of Rome).

Thomas and Cathy must be unsatisfied with their day jobs. They are either trying to land a gig as a Fox News anchor, or one as the dude who screams on street corners handing out flyers about the impending apocalypse. Paid in full by Jesus, of course.

If you're an angry public figure and you want to hurt gay people, do it in the privacy of your own home with the BDSM set you bought.

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Chalk it up to British Open fatigue.  Ernie Els, who won the prestigious Claret Jug just last weekend, fired an opening round 72 at RBC Canadian Open yesterday and is tied for 99th.

“It’s good to be back in Canada,” said Els, who arrived in Canada on Tuesday, following the win at Royal Lytham & St. Annes. “This golf tournament goes back a long time, you know. I played five holes yesterday. So you know, I just want to be fresh mentally and physically.”

Well, maybe not quite so fresh.

But we’re just happy Els, currently ranked No. 15 in the world, has graced us with his presence along with a lot of other PGA Tour stars. It does help that the purse is now a healthy $5.2 million for this year’s event at Hamilton Golf and Country Club. But, falling right after the British Open, our national event was long deemed optional by some of the brighter lights on the tour.

We’re also happy that the rain – often an enemy of this event – has decided to abate for the time being.    

Golfers are back out on the course now, chasing leader Scott Piercy, who fired a 10-under 62 yesterday. Among them are Canadians Adam Hadwin (who fired an opening round of 66) and Graham DeLaet (69).

>> Live Leaderboard

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Nikki Beach, pioneer of the worldwide beach club concept, will join forces with Toronto institution the Spoke Club for this year’s edition of the Toronto International Film Festival.

From September 6-11, the rooftop of the Spoke Club will act as a headquarters for festivalgoers and party hounds alike. Expect music, food, and waterfalls of champagne.

The club, located in the burgeoning studio and party district of King and Bathurst, is only steps away from the TIFF Bell Lightbox and celebrity magnet Roy Thompson Hall.

Nikki Beach has partnered with TIFF many times before. Last year, they hosted the Take This Waltz after party featuring Seth Rogen and Sarah Silverman.

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Childish Gambino
- "Fire Fly" (From Camp, out now)



Kreayshawn
- "Go Hard" (From Somethin' About Kreay, out August 14)



Dan Deacon
- "True Thrush" (From America, out August 27)



Lana Del Rey - "Summertime Sadness" (From Born to Die, out now)



Taken By Trees
- "Dreams" (From Other Worlds, out October 2)



Anami Vice - "OMGoodness" (Single)



The Do - "The Wicked and the Blind" (From Both Ways Open Jaws, out now)



Shy Hunters - "Time Bomb" (Debut Single)

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[html]Jimmy Fallon is a master impressionist and TV host, Zach Galifianakis is a comic actor known for teasing the funny from unbearable awkwardness. Last night they traded places on the former’s talk show to promote the latter’s upcoming comedy The Campaign. The result was high-larious, as Fallon's show often is. I should probably start watching it.





The Campaign, co-starring "Will Smith," opens everywhere August 10.

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The six-minute trailer for the Wachowskis’ new meaning of life epic, ​Cloud Atlas, is available below, and it makes absolutely no sense. 

Luckily for you, TORO’s nimble fact checkers have discovered that Cloud Atlas is an adaptation of David Mitchell’s 2004 novel of the same name. The film presents six interconnected stories, and jumps back and forth through space and time. It stars Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Jim Broadbent, and Hugh Grant (no, really).

If the trailer is any indication of what’s to come, then Cloud Atlas will be a bloated, incoherent, series of love stories punctuated by colourful violence. The dialogue in the trailer sounds like the prose of a drunken first-year philosophy student delivered with Sunday school theatricality. Tom Hanks looks like a member of the Doors, and Halle Berry continues to prove that the Oscars got it wrong.

We wonder why the trailer is six minutes long. It’s true that Mitchell’s source material has a convoluted narrative structure, but not much is explained in the preview. Maybe the Wachowskis are hiding something awesome from us? The average trailer for a movie is two minutes long, so as not to give too much away. Following the infallible logic of ratios then, with a six-minute trailer, Cloud Atlas must be well over six hours long, and loaded with things actually worth our time.

Related: TIFF Announces Its 2012 Lineup

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You have to wonder if investors who bought into Facebook understood that the value of their shares might hinge on something as whimsical as Farmville.

After Zynga, creators of the social media game, missed analysts’ second-quarter revenue estimates, they watched their stock price plummet by as much as 42 per cent yesterday. Zynga posted second-quarter sales of $332.5 million, below the average $343.1 million projected by analysts.

Facebook stock fell by as much as 10 per cent in response.

Zynga blamed part of the shortfall on changes to Facebook, which it claims made it harder for users to find existing games. But the reality, of course, is that Farmville is probably falling out of fashion, especially with so many other newcomers in the app world. Heck, people just aren’t buying tractors like they used to.

“It’s a disaster,” claimed one analyst. “It’s starting to look more and more like a fad."

You think?

Don't feel sorry too for Zynga, $332 million isn't much to sneeze at. And they do have plans to enter the world of real-time gambling (not in the U.S., of course), which is always a good bet for profit margins.

Facebook investors, meanwhile, are bracing themselves for a wild ride after today's earnings report. The stock could rise to around as much as $32 by Friday or fall to a low of $24.

Oh social media, why must you be so … social, hinging on the attention spans of the populace.

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In some far-off future everyone will get their 90 minutes of biopic. For now, Paul Giamatti, Emma Thompson, Jason Schwartzman and Tom Hanks will help bring the apparently cinematic life story of Mary Poppins scribe Pamela Lyndon “P.L.” Travers to the big screen with Saving Mr. Banks. Thompson will play Travers, Hanks Walt Disney, Giamatti the author’s chauffeur, and Schwartzman songwriter Richard M. Sherman.

To be fair Travers led an interesting life, dabbling in acting, poetry and journalism before finding literary success with the Poppins series and its subsequent film adaptation. However, she openly despised the movie, particularly Sherman’s catchy / fucking irritating songs and Disney’s insertion of animated sequences. Saving Mr. Banks will reportedly focus on that contentious relationship, because conflict = story.

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With all the mounting injuries was anyone really thinking the Toronto Blue Jays could compete for a Wild Card berth? If they were, those hopes were crushed yesterday when the team suffered the worst shutout loss in franchise history, embarrassed 16-0 by the Oakland A's yesterday at Rogers Centre.

Struggling Ricky Romero was chased from the game after an inning and a third and to add insult to injury, catcher J.P. Arencibia suffered a broken right hand on a foul tip and will be out for six weeks.

Hey, on the bright side, it's hard to believe with all the struggles over the years that it took until now to suffer the worst shutout in franchise history, right?

Watch the lowlights if you dare:

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A hotel in England has once again highlighted the gap between the religious establishment and humanity's sense of humour.

The Damson Dene Hotel, a quaint little joint in England's Lake District, has replaced all of its Gideons Bibles with E.L. James's BDSM bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey. And the local vicar is pissed.

"It is a great shame that Bibles have been removed from rooms and very inappropriate to have been replaced by an explicit erotic novel," said Rev. Michael Woodcock (real name, false sense of righteousness). 

Damson owner Jonathan Denby, while he hasn't read the book, claims that he made the literary switch based on demand. When asked about the religious outrage surrounding his decision, Denby said that the Bible has more sex and violence than James's novel, and it's much harder to read.

You're pushing an open door with us, Mr. Denby. We can't say we've ever finished the Good Book, however influential it may be. It's just a little boring for our tastes. And as James points out in her book, "I don't remember reading about nipple clamps in the Bible."

Amen.

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Veteran TV and film actor Chad Everett has died, numerous sources are reporting, of lung cancer.

Everett is undoubtedly best known for playing Dr. Joe Gannon on the CBS medical drama series Medical Center. Everett’s youth made his character a counterpoint to James Daly, as the more experienced Dr. Lochner.

Everett mostly stuck to television, appearing on Ironside, Touched by an Angel, Without a Trace, Castle, and dozens more. Notable film roles included Airplane II: The Sequel (1982), Gus Van Sant’s Psycho remake (1998), as a sleazy businessman robbed by Marion Crane, and perhaps most memorably a washed-up actor caught way off guard by Naomi Watts in Mulholland Dr. (2001).

Everett was 75. He is survived by two daughters.

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The trailer for Bradley Rust Gray's Jack and Diane, attached below, has landed and we can already hear the sound of one million nerds touching themselves.

In the film, two teenage girls (played by awesomely-named Juno Temple and Riley Keough) meet in New York City and fall in love. Oh, and one or both of them may be Werewolves.

The trailer doesn't really give the film's supernatural secret away, but nerds in the know have been talking about Jack and Diane's plot for some time.

Jack and Diane is just the latest film to join the Monsters Having Sex movement, pioneered by the Twilight series and True Blood. Coming soon: Archibald and Lucinda, a tale of two Sasquatches, who against impossible odds, find love at the end of the world.

The film screens at TIFF this fall.

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In an effort to catch up with Quebec, New York, and pretty much the rest of the modern world, the Ontario Convenience Stores Association has presented a petition with 112,500 signatures demanding that Queen’s Park allow booze to be sold in Ontario Kwik-E-Marts. Despite former premier David Peterson’s promise to do so in the 1980s, the current Liberal government has no plans to change Ontario liquor laws.

The controversy seems to revolve around the idea of minors’ access to alcohol. But according to Steve Tenant, vice-president of Hasty Market Corporation, there’s nothing to worry about.

"We've commissioned studies, and gone out and done mystery shops, and confirmed that convenience stores do a better job [than the LCBO and the Beer Store when] asking for ID," says Tennant.

Queen’s Park’s current approach to liquor regulation doesn’t match the reality of the times. The province — and the GTA especially — is no longer a backwater run on puritanism and rainy-day sentimentality. Women wear skirts now. The mall is open on Sunday. “Ethnics” drive cars. The idea that Ontarians can only have two places to buy booze because it’s "socially responsible" is silly. Ontario’s grown up. It can do what it wants.

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[html]A film adaptation of Canadian author Yann Martel’s Life of Pi has been a long time coming, with Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amélie), Alfonso Cuarón (Children of Men) and M. Night Shyamalan (A Bunch of Crap) previously attached to direct.

Since then Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee jumped on board, and we have the trailer to prove it. Newcomer Suraj Sharma will star as Pi, co-starring with Gérard Depardieu as the Chef, Tobey Maguire as Martel, and Bollywood actor Irrfan Khan as Pi's older self.

The preview is full of pulsating imagery, seamless integration of animation and reality, and a colour palette not seen since the last time you did acid. Granted, it's a little CG-heavy, but who isn't these days?

For those still bitter about being force fed Life of Pi the book in high school, the trailer may finally deliver the reconciliation you've so longed for. The Disney-sounding plot and bizarre mysticism remains, but we at TORO are nevertheless excited to see the film. As Stanley Kubrick used to say, bad books make good films, and vice versa.



Life of Pi hits theaters November 21.

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If I had to draft a list of the 900 people whose opinion I value most, rapper and Law and Order actor Ice-T would definitely be in the top 897. So it’s a good thing he's spoken up in the wake of the Aurora, Colorado massacre to defend the right of every American to own a machine gun and carry it on the bus, etc.

From a recent interview: “[Gun ownership] is legal in the United States ... because that’s the last form of defense against tyranny. Not to hunt. It’s to protect yourself from the police.” Later the guy mostly famous for making a song called “Cop Killer” tweeted: “If you go into the jungle…. Will you NOT get eaten because you’re a vegan??” Hard to say, but it’s a good thing the average American doesn’t live in the jungle.

All D-grade celebrities who have not yet flapped their lips about this latest tradgedy, speak now before no one cares.

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Sherman Hemsley, the actor who played George Jefferson on the All in the Family spinoff The Jefferson's has passed away today at the age of 74 from natural causes.

Mr. Hemsley may be moving on down to the south side but we will forever hear him calling "weeeeezie" from the grave.

RIP Mr. Hemsley. Hope you enjoy your de-luxe apartment in the sky.

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[html]“The Titanic sails at dawn,” sang Bob Dylan in his most Bob Dylan-esque song. Now he’s set to release Tempest, his 182th album, and its title track: a 14-minute long retelling of that time a big boat sank. What that sinking had to do with a tempest I’m not entirely sure.

In anticipation Tim Heidecker of comedy team Tim & Eric has released “Bob Dylan’s Titanic,” a song that agonizingly recounts every minute detail of that fateful night in a Dylanish drawl, and eventually the making of the movie Titanic (1997). Enjoy? The real song will be released with its album September 10.

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Jamie Oliver, chef, television personality, food activist and surrogate husband of soccer moms everywhere, is opening a British gastropub in Montreal’s Plateau Mont-Royal. Cheekily named Maison Publique (that translates to Public House for you Anglos), the joint will be a simple yet refined ode to British cuisine, with an open kitchen, and an extensive beer menu.

Oliver is teaming with renowned local chef Derek Dammann, famous for his offal-centric Canadian restaurant DNA Cuisine Complice in Old Montreal. While Oliver has offered his collaborative services, Dammann will construct the entire menu and oversee the restaurant’s décor.

Oliver and Dammann have been planning Maison Publique for over two years. Dammann, originally from Victoria, worked as a sous chef at Oliver’s Fifteen restaurant in London, where the two soon became friends.

Maison Publique will be housed in an unassuming red brick storefront at 4720 Rue Marquette at Gilford — perfect for the unpretentious style sought by both Dammann and the Montreal populace in general.  

We've tried hating Jamie Oliver, we really have. But the bugger is just so damn cute.

Related: Montreal in 48 Hours

Related: Canada's Top 10 Hipster Hotels

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Toronto's west end is about to be touched by the greasy hand of God.

Just last week, Shant Mardirosian, owner of Toronto's most renowned burger joint tweeted this: "West side here we come! Don't ask for the details, just know that pen has met paper. December 2012." In doing so, he confirmed that the Burger's Priest will be opening a third location.

Mardirosian says that the restaurant will be located in the King and Spadina region — known for its studio spaces, condos and nightclubs — but is waiting for the bureaucratic red tape to clear before making any official announcements.

The original Burger's Priest opened in 2010 in the no man's land between the charming Leslieville and Beach neighbourhoods. Its simplistic approach to the American classic was an instant hit, and the lineups still stretch out onto the street.

Unlike most burger boutiques, the Priest actually grinds its own meat. This, of course, means that the meat is of high quality, and it can be served medium rare — that is, the only way a burger should be served anyway.

This is no small feat in a city like Toronto. The Burger's Priest is hero-by-default in the face of Toronto's arcane and provincial food laws. For a city that prides itself on diversity, Toronto hasn't shifted far from its boring and paranoid Anglo-protestant roots. But now that the Burger's Priest is only a stone's throw from city hall, maybe the powers that be will shake up, wake up, and smell the beef.

TORO FEATURED VIDEO