THURSDAY AUGUST 17, 2017
 
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Just in time for the mid-July heat wave Anthony Rose has opened the doors (well actually the laneway) to his new annex neighbourhood barbecue joint Big Crow - situated behind his other outpost, comfort food favourite Rose and Sons.

Featuring menu items such as "versht" (salami) in apricot glaze, flash-grilled garlic shrimp, smoked mozzarella garlic bread, and PB and J ice cream sandwiches, the cedar planked, retractable roofed patio/hut will likely be the home-away-from-home for hipster and hobnobber alike. And the trash-chic drinks menu (featuring root beer by Thomas Lavers and Pina Coladas aplenty) is bursting with the kind of Rose-y irony the chef's customers have come to expect.

Come for the Mai Tais stay for the meat.

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This just in: Toronto Poutine Fest is coming to Hogtown in late August! (This is not going to go over well with the Quebecers.)

Start-up company Joylister spearheaded this celebration of Canada's national dish, the first of its kind in Toronto.

"The fact that Toronto hasn't had a poutine festival is insane," co-founder Melissa Chien told the Star. "It's embarrassing."

On August 22, from 5 to 10 p.m., gluttons, inebriates, and masochists are invited to the Beer Academy to indulge in an all-you-can-eat poutine bonanza. The $35 dollar tickets also afford guests three craft brews and a vote to crown the Poutine King of Toronto.

Participating the competition are Poutini's, Coquine, Great Burger Kitchen, Lou Dawgs, and the Feisty Jack Mobile Food Co.

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It's official: Andrea Bargnani, maybe the biggest dud in Toronto Raptors history, is finally gone.

With 2013-14's salary cap set in stone, the Dinos announced that Bargnani has been traded to the New York Knicks for Steve Novak, Marcus Camby, Quentin Richardson and three draft picks. And somehow, they haven't been arrested for theft over $1,000.

"We collectively decided that a fresh start for both parties was the best way to move forward," said Toronto president and general manager Masai Ujiri. "We wish Andrea all the best."

No you don't.

What made Bargnani so infuriating was his indifference to fame and basketball. He had enough potential to be a superstar, but instead chose to fumble around the court with his mouth open when he wasn't acting in terrible commercials. He was also ludicrously overpaid, which was Bryan Colangelo's fault.

In other good news, the Raptors signed free agents Tyler Hansbrough and Julyan Stone to bargain contracts. In Hansbrough, Toronto gets much needed size and grit off the bench. In Stone, they get a capable if not great backup point guard.

And so, new GM Ujiri continues to do what his predecessor Colangelo couldn't: Get rid of the mistake that was Bargnani, acquire affordable talent, and shore up the future with draft picks without tanking. We'd say things look bright in Raptorland, but this is Toronto after all.

Related >> Daily TORO: Ujiri "Pumped" About Toronto Return

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As if an hour and a half of gay and ejaculation jokes wasn't enough, James Franco has just announced that he will be roasted on a Comedy Central special.

Franco joins a veritable hall of fame of roastees including Joan Rivers, Pamela Anderson, Charlie Sheen, and Bea Arthur.

While Comedy Central has yet to announce the roasters, we'll wager that most of the Judd Apatow crew will make an appearance to shit on Franco, something they do in pretty much all of their movies. We can see the cross dressing jokes now!

The special will tape in August and air September 2.

Related >> Film: TORO Reviews This Is the End | Daily TORO: Watch Anthony Bourdain Get Roasted

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A few days ago, we reported that someone on Craigslist wanted blowjobs in exchange for his cronuts, the croissant-donut frankenfood that has taken New York by storm.

And now, like any good Torontonian, chef Olivier Jansen-Reynaud of Clafouti has stepped up to take on the Yankees. Introducing: The Crookie, an ungodly mash-up of the croissant and a pile of Oreos (pictured above).

The Grid challenged the chef to create a new dessert with classic but different ingredients. And the results were terrific.

"When you bite in, it's creamy and sweet, with the cream wrapping itself in the croissant dough and a crunchiness from the Oreo bits," says Jansen-Reynaud.

"We’re going to plan for the next few weeks to make a hundred a day,” Clafouti baker Kyle Marsh told CTV News. "As long as it goes, we'll ride the wave."

Related >> Daily TORO: Want to Trade a Blowjob for a Cronut? | TORO TV: Caplansky's Maple Bacon Donuts

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Our drinking buddies at THR are reporting that The Lone Ranger, a film that we thoroughly trashed last week, could cost Disney up to $150 million in losses.

(We're surprised: cartoony destruction and racial stereotypes usually do so well at the box-office.)

In its five-day opening weekend, The Lone Ranger collected $48.9 million domestically, a relatively paltry total in the face of the movie's $250 million and $175 million production and marketing budgets.

Generally, films hope to make back more than half (if not all) of their production budget from the opening weekend.

Box office experts predict that the film will make $275 million worldwide. That just sucks.

With The Lone Ranger, Disney reunited producer Jerry Bruckheimer, director Gore Verbinski, and actor Johnny Depp, the trio that produced the shitzillion-dollar Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. But it seems horrible reviews, poor brand recognition, and foreign markets' disinterest in the Western genre doomed the film. Oh, and it cost $250 million to make!

"It's very disappointing," Disney's executive VP worldwide distribution Dave Hollis told THR. "Everything was perfect on paper, so today [is] incredibly frustrating."

Maybe Disney will learn from this and stop making incoherent, bloated, theme-park movies with ridiculous budgets. Oh, wait, nevermind.

Related >> Film: TORO Reviews The Lone Ranger | TORO Reviews Iron Man 3

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The Toronto Star is reporting that Professor Benjamin Levin (pictured above) of the University of Toronto has been arrested on charges of child exploitation, including the making child pornography.

Levin, 61, is a professor at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at the University of Toronto, and was the deputy minister of education from 2004-2009 under former premier Dalton McGuinty.

The professor was also part of Premier Kathleen Wynne's transition team when she took office in January.

According to his biographical web page, Levin's field of study includes "advancing the role and use of research in shaping education policy and practice," and "learning more about how we can ameliorate the impacts of poverty and inequality in education."

Born in Winnipeg, Levin attended the University of Manitoba and Harvard before settling at U of T.

Levin will appear in court Monday afternoon.

Related >> Daily TORO: Defiant Sandusky Sentenced to 30 to 60 Years

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Yesterday, Andy Murray defeated Novak Djokovic, becoming the first Brit since 1936 to be crowned Winbledon Champion. But nobody cares because at the same time, Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler fell in love.

The ravishing couple sat together in the Royal Box, hugging and taking selfies, as if they had just returned from a bromantic trip on Fire Island.

From their varying winces and cheers, it's evident that Cooper and Butler were Murray fans.

Congratulations to the new Wimbledon champion. And congratulations to the new couple. We hope you enjoy your new life in California.

Related >> Talking To: Bradley Cooper | TORO TV: On the Red Carpet with Gerard Butler

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The Star is reporting that the Toronto Maple Leafs bought out forward Mikhail Grabovski and put the player on unconditional waivers, making him an unrestricted free agent.

"I would like to thank Mikhail for his contributions with the Leafs over the past five seasons," Toronto GM Dave Nonis said in a statement. "This was not an easy decision to make as Mikhail made numerous contributions to our hockey club."

After signing a five-year, $27.5 million contract two years ago, Grabovski, 29, has struggled. Buying out the forward frees up space for the Leafs under the salary cap.

Grabovski's departure follows that of defencemen Mike Komisarek, who was bought out earlier in the week. Clearly, Nonis is purging the big-contract players signed under his old boss Brian Burke.


Related >> Daily TORO: A Guy from Boston Knocked Out a Leafs Fan

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"I'm sorry, Godzilla, I'm going to let you finish, but Pacific Rim was the greatest giant monster movie of all-time!"

Our friends at THR are reporting that Jesus Christ Kanye West has seen Guillermo del Toro's monsters vs. robots epic, Pacific Rim, and has creamed his jeans.

"I saw a pre-screening of Pacific Rim yesterday and it's easily one of my favorite movies of all time," West tweeted. "This is not another 'Robot' movie. Guillermo del Toro is a master."

The $180 million production, which was filmed in Toronto, is basically Power Rangers for adults. This is fitting, since West's music is basically hip hop for children.

Pacific Rim comes out July 12.


Related >> Daily TORO: Kanye Hands Out $34,000 Statues to His Friends

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The linkers at the Huffington Post are reporting that some degenerate on Craigslist is offering cronuts in exchange for blowjobs. Yes, we can hear the Four Horsemen descending from heaven, too.

"I want a dirty little slut who is willing to blow me for a genuine Dominique Ansel Bakery cronut," the post reads. Allegedly, the "man" is 34, white, and "clean," and wants female orifices only. There's no word on whether the man will wear the cronut around his cock while being milked.

In case you're a normal person, a cronut is a half-croissant, half-donut pastry invented by the aforementioned Dominique Ansel, a chef in New York. The invention has taken the world by storm, and foodies are willing to pay silly money for it.

But how base do you have to be to suck a penis for pastries? Handjobs only, right?


Related >> Food: Caplansky's Maple Bacon Donuts (Bitches)

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The new trailer for Lovelace, the biopic of former pornstar Linda Lovelace, has just premiered. It looks raunchy. You can watch it below.

The movie stars Amanda Seyfried in the title role, and follows the pornstar's rise to fame and subsequent anti-porn activism. Also in the film are Peter Sarsgaard (creepy as ever), Chloe Sevigny, Sharon Stone, Juno Temple, Adam Brody, Hank Azaria, Bobby Cannavale and James Franco as a terrible version of Hugh Hefner.

Lovelace is directed by art house crossovers Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman.

The movie hits theatres and your pants August 9.

Related >> Talking To: Hugh Hefner | Daily TORO: Watch the Trailer for Matthew Fox's Mitt Romney Biopic

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Nine Inch Nails has just released their video for "Come Back Haunted," directed by professional clusterphoque David Lynch. You can watch it below. And be warned: It comes with an epileptic seizure warning.

Anyway, it's weird. Did you expect anything else?

"Come Back Haunted" will be featured on Nine Inch Nails' Hesitation Marks, due out September 3. Meanwhile, Lynch's next album, The Big Dream, comes out July 15.

The Nails' Trent Reznor previously collaborated with Lynch on the soundtrack of the former's 1997 film, Lost Highway.

You can also check out Nine Inch Nails' world tour dates (Canadian stops in bold) below the video.

Related >> Music: TORO Reviews How to Destroy Angels's Welcome Oblivion | TORO Reviews David Lynch's Crazy Clown Time

Nind Inch Nails World Tour Dates:

07-26 Niigata, Japan - Fuji Rocks Festival
07-28 Ansan, South Korea - Ansan Valley Festival
08-02-04 Chicago, IL - Lollapalooza
08-09-11 San Francisco, CA - Outside Lands
08-15 Hasselt, Belgium - Pukkelpop
08-16 Biddinghuizen, Holland - Lowlands Festival
08-18 Hockenheim, Germany - Rock 'n' Heim
08-21 Belfast, Northern Ireland - Belsonic Festival
08-23 Leeds, England - Leeds Festival
08-24 Paris, France - Rock en Seine
08-25 Reading, England - Reading Festival
08-28 Milan, Italy - Mediolanum Forum
08-31-09-01 Philadelphia, PA - Made in America Festival
09-28 St. Paul, MN - Xcel Energy Center
09-30 Kansas City, MO - Sprint Center
10-01 St. Louis, MO - Chaifetz Arena *
10-03 Montreal, Quebec - Centre Bell
10-04 Toronto, Ontario - Air Canada Centre
10-05 Cleveland, OH - Wolstein Center
10-07 Auburn Hill, MI - The Palace of Auburn Hills
10-08 Pittsburgh, PA - Petersen Events Center
10-11 Boston, MA - TD Garden
10-14 Brooklyn, NY - Barclays Center
10-15 Newark, NJ - Prudential Center
10-18 Washington, DC - Verizon Center
10-19 University Park, PA - Bryce Jordan Center
10-21 Raleigh, NC - PNC Arena
10-22 Nashville, TN - Bridgestone Arena
10-24 Atlanta, GA - Philips Arena
10-25-27 Asheville, NC - Mountain Oasis Electronic Music Summit
10-30 Sunrise, FL - BB&T Center
10-31 Orlando, FL - Amway Center
11-01-03 New Orleans, LA - Voodoo Music Experience
11-05 San Antonio, TX - AT&T Center
11-08 Los Angeles, CA - Staples Center
11-09 Phoenix, AZ - US Airways Center
11-11 El Paso, TX - Don Haskins Center
11-13 Broomfield, CO - 1st Bank Center
11-15 Las Vegas, NV - The Joint
11-16 Las Vegas, NV - The Joint
11-18 Portland, OR - Rose Garden Arena
11-19 Spokane, WA - Spokane Arena
11-21 Vancouver, British Columbia - Rogers Arena
11-22 Seattle, WA - KeyArena
11-24 Edmonton, Alberta - Rexall Place
11-25 Calgary, Alberta - Scotiabank Saddledome

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This morning, TORO reviewed the excellent Channing Tatum blow-'em-up, White House Down, and according to Jimmy Kimmel, Columbia has already started promoting a sequel. 

Witness below the entirely serious trailer for Waffle House Down. In the film, Tatum must protect his precious waffle house from IHOP terrorists looking to steal secret recipes.

Looks like there's going to be a lot of explosions and pastry-related murders.

Coming soon to theatres everywhere: Man of Stainless Steal: The Search for Invicible Cookware.

Related >> Film: TORO Reviews White House Down | Daily TORO: Jimmy Kimmel's Mean Tweets, NBA Edition

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Last night, at the 2013 NBA draft, forward Anthony Bennett became the highest Canadian pick ever, going first overall to the Cleveland Cavaliers.

The Brampton native and UNLV alumnus was a surprise selection. Most pundits believed centre Nerlens Noel — who ended going sixth with New Orleans, before being traded to Philadelphia for Jrue Holiday — was the favourite to go first.

"Full of emotions," Bennett said via Twitter, moments after being drafted. "[I] would like to thank everyone that supported me through all this."

Kamloops native and Gonzaga alumnus, Kelly Olynyk, a centre, was also drafted last night, going 13th to the Boston Celtics.

"Thanks to everyone for the well wishes," Olynyk tweeted, "[I'm] excited and ready to see what the future has in store!"

Bennett and Olynyk join a young core of Canadians, including Cleveland's Tristan Thompson and San Antonio's Cory Joseph. Thompson is an emerging power forward on the upswing Cavs, while Joseph is the backup to Tony Parker, and a key piece in the Spurs' run to the NBA finals this year.

Next year, Toronto forward Andrew Wiggins is expected to go first overall in the draft, a major milestone for a country that has always lived in basketball obscurity. And it doesn't end there: Canada has dozens of touted NBA prospects currently in high school or university.

Somewhere, Team Canada general manager Steve Nash is smiling at his embarassment of riches.

Related >> Egos and Icons: GM Nash Will Have to Live Up to the Hype

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Chart Attack is reporting that dark wave pioneers Cold Cave of New York have had their Toronto and Montreal concerts cancelled over tour-mate Boyd Rice's alleged Nazism.

Originally scheduled to play tonight (June 27, 2013) in Toronto, Cold Cave and Boyd Rice had two separate promoters bail on them in wake of the Nazi controversy.

Jason Whitney, booker of Cold Cave's would-be second Toronto show, had this to say on Tumblr: "People have every right to believe what they want and every right to express it, but the pressure that has been placed on me because of this is not worth the stress that I’ve endured." Whitney, who identifies as Jewish, went on to apologize to ticketholders and anyone who may have been offended by his booking.

Rice and Cold Cave were also scheduled to play tomorrow at Montreal's Il Motore, but venue owner Meyer Billurcu cancelled the show last month.

"[We] have a strict zero-tolerance policy towards any and all forms of prejudice, misogyny, racism, homophobia, transphobia and violence," Billurcu said via Facebook. "For these reasons, we have decided to cancel the Cold Cave show on June 27 altogether."

Rice has claimed that any images or sentiments linking him to Nazism were merely "pranks" and do not reflect his actual worldview.

Related >> Daily TORO: This JC Penney Tea Kettle Looks Like Hitler | Hitler Loves "Gangnam Style"

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Things just got very interesting for Toronto Maple Leafs GM Dave Nonis and his rabid Leafs Nation.

This morning, NHL.com reported that the Tampa Bay Lightning have bought out their captain and franchise centre, Vincent Lecavalier. Lecavalier, 33, has played his entire career with the Lightning, and was once considered the foundation of the franchise.

Now, the Toronto Star is reporting that defencemen Kris Letang would like to be traded to Toronto if a long term deal cannot be reached with his current club, the Pittsburgh Penguins. Letang has one more year on his contract.

Acquiring these players would fill a lot of holes for the Leafs. In Lecavalier, Toronto would get a proven number one centre with size, and a veteran with championship experience. In Letang, the Leafs would get an offensively gifted puck-moving defenceman, who's also won a championship.

The issue for Toronto is, of course, the price of these players. Lecavalier becomes a free agent July 5, and would likely demand a hefty salary, if not his current one of $7.73 million per year. For Letang, according to the Star, Pittsburgh would demand a roster player, top prospect, and first-round draft pick.

That's a steep price for the Leafs, a team that built its current success around patience and the development of talented young players.

Stay tuned for more developments.

Related >> Throwin Smoke: Thank You, Brian Burke

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When you were watching Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby (or weren't watching, because you have taste), you may have thought, "This movie looks like a tacky cartoon." And you would have been right, because almost nothing in it was real.

Witness below the "before and after" computer animation reels from The Great Shatsby Gatsby. Released on Vimeo by the film's VFX supervisor, Chris Godfrey, the video shows that Lurhmann isn't so much a director, but a man who bosses around hundreds of animators.

Given that so many of the film's sets were fake, we're amazed that the movie's acting wasn't more ridiculous.

Maybe in another generation, when audiences finally tire of VFX gimmicks, someone will come along and properly adapt F. Scott Fitzgerald's classic novel. But now we're being ridiculous.



Related >> Film: TORO Reviews The Great Gatsby | Daily TORO: Here's the Video for Del Ray's Gatsby Song

The Great Gatsby VFX from Chris Godfrey on Vimeo.

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Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" is the unofficial song of the summer and has probably gotten more people laid than Jack Daniels. So how does a band follow-up such a success? With a 10-minute, masturbatory remix, of course!

Witness below Daft Punk's just released new version of their old song. It's a little choppy, and Pharrell's in it less, and it goes on forever, but guys, it's "Get Lucky"!

Daft Punk singlehandedly made disco cool again. So, they get a pass on being lazy, pretentious toads today.

Related >> Daily TORO: Listen to a Banjo Cover of "Get Lucky" | Music: TORO Reviews Random Access Memories

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Beloved Montreal restaurateur Tony Koulakis of Cosmos snack bar was killed on Sunday; his son Johnny is being charged with second-degree murder.

The elder Koulakis was stabbed outside of his Hufford Street duplex in St-Laurent burrough around 3:30 a.m. Johnny Koulakis was arrested in that apartment shortly after.

Founded in 1967, Cosmos endeared itself to locals and tourists with its greasy breakfasts and friendly service.

Tony Koulakis was a Greek immigrant with a sense of humour that "touched people from all over the world," one family friend told the CBC.

TORO sends its sympathies to Tony Koulakis's family and friends.

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