MONDAY DECEMBER 11, 2017
 
INSIDE TORO
Blog DAILY TORO
tumblr_mal1kq8FJN1qzp7kvo1_500.jpg

Both the Weeknd and Vampire Weekend will release new albums in 2013.

The Toronto R&B singer also known as Abel Tesfaye, cheekily made the announcement via Twitter by posting a photo of his Desktop with a folder titled, "2013 untitled album."

The New York rock quartet that rips off Paul Simon (don't worry, he ripped off an entire continent) told Q Magazine that their third album will be out in this spring.

We're big fans of both these acts (as you can see from our favourable reviews below) and are looking forward to their new LPs. Everything's coming up weekend!

Related >> Music Reviews: The Weeknd's Echoes of Silence | Music Reviews: Vampire Weekend's Contra


Blog DAILY TORO
Evil-Dead-HUGE.jpg

Prepare to lose you lunch. The new red band (that means fucked up) trailer for the Evil Dead remake is out and, Christ, is it ever disgusting. You can watch it below.

Like the original Sam Raimi film, Evil Dead concerns a group of twentysomethings as they awaken demons from a cabin in the woods. Naturally, blood, gore, possession, and violent sex follows.

Usually we don't approve of remakes, especially remakes of classic films. But this one actually looks gross, that is to say good, for a horror movie. If you like tree rape, lesions, and tongues being cut in half, enjoy!

Evil Dead hits theatres April 12.

Related >> Daily TORO: Some News About the Evil Dead Remake | The Teaser for the Unnecesssary Carrie Remake

Blog DAILY TORO
121026_david_stern_ap_328.jpg

NBA Commissioner David Stern claims that there will "for sure" be NBA expansion teams in Europe within 20 years.

"I think multiple NBA teams [will exist In Europe]" said Stern in an ESPN Radio interview with Scott Van Pelt and Ryen Rusillo. "No place else."

Obvious European host cities would include London, Paris, Madrid, Barcelona, Rome, and Berlin.

Stern has said in the past that in order for NBA European expansion to work, teams across the pond would have to play in their own division to avoid excessive and tiring travel time. But Stern has never addressed how the new teams would be financed, what an NBA schedule would like, or whether American-born stars could be convinced to play overseas.

Since taking over the league in 1984, increasing the NBA's global brand has been one of Stern's primary concerns. And he has been successful. The league now boasts a record 84 international players, the United States — while still the favourite — no longer dominates international competition, and international markets represent about 10% of the NBA's total revenue.

Stern retires February 1, 2014, so any European expansion would likely be headed by new commissioner Adam Silver.

Related >> Throwin Smoke: Bold Sports Predicitions for 2013

Blog DAILY TORO
jose-canseco-steroids.jpg

Furthering the evidence that Toronto is the political sideshow capital of the Western Hemisphere, former Blue Jay and roid-robot Jose Canseco is considering a run against Rob Ford. There is no God.

Daniel Dale — the Star reporter that almost got his face punched in by Ford in the depths of Mordor north Etobicoke — broke the story this morning.

"I hear you are getting rid of Mayor Ford on Monday," said the WWF/pornstar-looking athlete on Twitter. "I love Toronto and will be glad to replace him."

According to Dale, Canseco laid out his formal platform with the Star via Twitter early Friday morning. "Ford too much [sic] trouble to be effective,” said Canseco. “Gotta [sic] fix budget [sic], traffic, get new $ [sic] not from taxes, get more new businesses [???], and help schools."

We're not political scientists, but that is probably the stupidest thing we've heard since yesterday.

Given that a byelection would likely take place in a few short of weeks, and that Canseco is not a Canadian citizen, and that everything Canseco says sounds like a toddler on Dexedrine, we're betting that he won't run for mayor.

But remember, this is not reality. This is Toronto.

Related >> Daily TORO: Toronto Council Votes to Go Home Early | Daily TORO: Toronto's Rob Ford Removed from Office

Blog DAILY TORO
frank-ocean_2267334b.jpg

According to Pulitzer Prize favourites TMZ, Frank Ocean was cited for pot possession, speeding, and driving on a suspended license this past New Year's Eve. Damn.

Ocean was pulled over by police in Mono County, California for driving 90 mph in 60 mph zone. Police searched the singer and found a small baggie of primo kush on his person. His license was then confiscated. Though Ocean was briefly detained in the squad car (he posted the experience on Instagram) he was released on spot and driven home by his passenger.

We're very disappointed in you, Frank. (We gave you a 4/5 review!) Next time, do the right thing and hide the weed in your crotch.

Related >> Music Reviews: Frank Ocean's Channel Orange

Blog DAILY TORO
7135804d5e588700250f6a706700887d.jpg

A 15-year-old legally known only as "girl" is suing the Icelandic government for the right to use her given name.

(Iceland: This is why your screwy country is bankrupt.)

The girl's given name, Blaer (which means "little breeze"), does not appear in Iceland's Personal Names Register, and therefore cannot be recognized.

Names that do not appear in the register may be accepted should a panel see fit, but "Blaer" was turned down on the grounds that the word takes a masculine article.

Understandably, the register exists to prevent parents from giving their children embarrassing names, like LaQueefa or Rusty Kuntz, but this mommy state rule is stupid. It's impossible to predict how society will interpret names in the future. We had like, eight friends named "Osama" before 9/11!

Parents should have the right to name their kids whatever they want. And when kids become adults, they should have the right to change their names and shove their asshole parents into nursing homes.

Fair is Fair. Just ask Louis CK.

Blog DAILY TORO
ff_gondry1_f.jpg

Apparently Michel Gondry's been doing acid again, and that's a good thing. The oddball Eternal Sunshine director has just released an animated short in celebration of the new year entitled, Haircut Mouse. You can watch below.

Gondry briefly appears at the beginning of the short dressed as a mouse. The director also plays drums on the background music with French singer-songwriter Loane on the keyboards.

The cartoon doesn't make much sense, but we believe anything that's French is good for you, whether it's coherent or not.

Gondry's next feature, Mood Indigo, is currently in post-production. The film stars Audrey Tautou as a women with a flower growing in her lungs. Again, acid.

Blog DAILY TORO
costanza-dress.jpg

In today's edition of the Best Thing Ever, we present to you the definitive George Costanza dress from artist, designer, and goddess Erin Bernas Pearce. The number also comes with a matching bow and purse, which you can see here.

Look at it. It's beautiful. We can almost hear George screaming now.

Talk about worlds colliding. So remember boys, if you ask a girl out, and she shows up to the date wearing this dress, you must marry her then and there, no questions asked.

Related >> Game Boy Dress Provokes Nerdgasms

Blog DAILY TORO
superbad-clerk.jpg

Over the next 18 months, the Ontario government will put 10 "LCBO Express" kiosks in grocery stores across the province. The stores will sell a selection of beer, wine and spirits, be staffed by LCBO employees, and operate under the same hours of other liquor stores.

Finance Minister Dwight Duncan claims the move is meant to supprt "underserved" areas and support Ontario wine and craft beer. He expects the number of express kiosks to increase in the coming years to meet the demands of the population.

The Liberals believe an increased LCBO presence is superior to the Conservative idea of having alcohol available in convenenience stores, an idea Duncan calls "bone-headed."

It is not yet known which areas will receive the new express stores, but expect them to be in more rural or suburban areas.


Related >> Daily TORO: Ontario Petitions for Booze in Convenience Stores

Blog DAILY TORO
bull-630x336.jpg

While the rest of this magazine promotes the best man has to offer, Daily TORO relishes in exploring humanity's run-off — the bigots, idiots, fools, and monsters that make human sterilization look positively benevolent.

And this year was a tremendous year for pooping on people. From penis dinners and sex-tapes, to public masturbation and Hitler, 2012 was a horrible year, and that's a good thing! Below are the Top 10 Most Offensive Daily TORO Posts.

Related >> Fuck You | If You Read this Magazine, You Suck

10. Hitler Loves "Gangnam Style"

9. Kanye Sex-Tape Has Fake Kim Kardashian

8. Drunk Girls Love Making Out at Club Applebee's

7. Watch Disgusting Video of Botched Ass Implant

6. Wha' Happened?! Fred Willard Caught Masturbating

5. The World's First Penis Restaurant

4. Tim Thomas Supports Chik-fil-A, Confirms His Idiocy

3. Jessica Simpsons's Baby Is Kinda Funny Looking

2. Man Ejected from Bar for His Mullet

1. Frat Boy Denies Butt-Chugging Charges

Blog DAILY TORO
a-protester-demonstrates-in-front-of-the-nra-lobbying-offices-in-washington-dc-on-dec-17.jpg

This morning, the National Rifle Association released a statement in the wake of the Sandy Hook tragedy in which 20 children and seven adults were allegedly murdered by an automatic-wielding Adam Lanza. The NRA is famous for its controversy and today was no exception. Scapegoating, pandering, fabrication, fearmongering — it was all there. Below we've listed some of the most baffling things said from this morning's press conference.

On violent video games: "There exists in this country a callous, corrupt and corrupting shadow industry that sells, and sows, violence against its own people."

On violent movies: "Isn't fantasizing about killing people as a way to get your kicks really the filthiest form of pornography?"

On ???: "A child growing up in America witnesses 16,000 murders and 200,000 acts of violence by the time he or she reaches the ripe old age of 18."

On how the media is full of dumby-dumb-dumbs: "They don't know what they're talking about!"

On Eternal Truth: "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun."

On being Bruce Willis: "If we truly cherish our kids more than our money or our celebrities, we must give them the greatest level of protection possible and the security that is only available with a properly trained — armed — good guy."

On the pansy-ness of democracy: "There'll be time for talk and debate later. This is the time, this is the day for decisive action."

On NRA-induced American Exceptionalism: "Today, child gun accidents are at the lowest levels ever recorded."

Related >> Daily TORO: Megadeth Singer Blames Obama for Shootings

Blog DAILY TORO
war-witch06.jpg

Canadian film War Witch (or Rebelle, en français), directed by Kim Nguyen, has made the Oscars longlist for Best Foreign Language Film.

Filmed in the Republic of Congo, War Witch follows an abducted 12-year-old girl (Rachel Mwanza) who is forced to become a child soldier in an unnamed African country. Mwanza won the Best Actress prize at Berlin this year, and TIFF named the film one the Top 10 Canadian Features of 2012.

The eight other films nominated in the Best Foreign Language category are: Michael Haneke's Amour (Austria), Pablo Larrain's No (Chile), Nikolaj Arcel's A Royal Affair (Denmark), Olivier Nakache and Eric Toledano's The Intouchables (France), Baltasar Kormákur's The Deep (Iceland), Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg's Kon-Tiki (Norway), Cristian Munglu's Beyond the Hills (Romania), and Ursula Meier's Sister (Switzerland).

While the Palme d'Or-winning Amour is the clear favouorite to make the shortlist of five (and eventually win), Canada has a past of Oscars success.

Six Canadian films have been nominated for the award and Denys Arcand's The Barbarian Invasions (Les Invasions barbares) won in 2003.

Related >> Gallery: Canadian Oscar Winners | Seth MacFarlane to Host the Oscars (Oh God)

Blog DAILY TORO
thumb.php.jpg

New Miss Universe Olivia Culpo is now a world celebrity for being a total babe.

Last night, the 20-year-old and former Miss Rhode Island became the first American to win the exploitation gala beauty competition in 15 years. The show was filmed at the Planet Hollywood Casino in Las Vegas.

Culpo is a sophomore at Boston University, a self-described "cellist nerd," used to be chubby when she was a kid, and like us, is gay for TORO cover boy Ryan Gosling. Also, she's a babe.

"What an honor," Culpo tweeted. "This night was a dream come true. Thank you everyone for your support tonight!! USA finally did it!" A scholar and a patriot, what more could you ask for?

I know we're a little big for you Olivia, but call us about a TORO Woman photo shoot, alright?

You can watch Culpo's stunning victory below.

Related >> Daily TORO: Teen Beauty Queen Caught Prostituting

Blog DAILY TORO
greatgatsby.jpg

Hey, remember when the first trailer for Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby came out in May and you were like, "Oh Christ, that looks like a giant turd"? Good! Because the film's second trailer is out now and nothing's changed.

Tragically based on one of the greatest novels of all time, Luhrmann's movie stars Leonardo DiCaprio in the title role, Tobey Maguire as Nick Carraway, and Carey Mulligan as Daisy Buchanan.

Did Luhrmann even read the book? Does he not realize that excess is exactly what Fitzgerald's book derides? That the novel, was actually a quiet, romantic work, only showing bursts of action in moments of great tragedy?

Evidently not. I hope you like Kanye.

Related >> Film Reviews: J. Edgar

Blog DAILY TORO
tumblr_majwtv0jYv1qzhk6zo1_1280.jpg

Indie band Grizzly Bear has just dropped a new video fit for 1999, when Internet videos sucked, and everything seemed shiny and new.

The spectacle (below) features a medley of songs from their album Shields, rearranged for piano and porno sax, played over a series of clip art and photographs fit for a Hallmark ad. Particular kudos goes to the picture of the beagles sitting at a table.

"A very special holiday message from us 2 u," the band's Ed Droste tweeted about the video. Thanks, Ed! We'll be sure to get you guys some cardigans and V-necks next year.

And hey, if you like Grizzly Bear, chances are you'll love our Hipster Gift Guide!

Related >> Music Reviews: Grizzly Bear's Shields


Blog DAILY TORO
27f5dbff40e78aabc73ce193ce7b.jpg

Ink Entertainment's Charles Khabouth, the man behind Weslodge, Patria, The Guvernment, and many more, will invade Montreal with a branch of Yorkville bistro La Société.

The restaurant, opening in March at the Loews Hôtel Vogue, will emulate the design of its Toronto cousin.

The move "marks the beginning of a promising long-time partnership between Ink Entertainment and Loews Hotels and Resorts," Khabouth said in a statement.

We wonder how our French friends will take to La Société. Montrealers tend to carpet bomb any instutiton that even hints at inauthenticity, especially if it comes from — barf — Toronto.

Related >> TORO TV: Patria's Octopus | TORO TV: Patria's Black Pasta and Cuttlefish


Blog DAILY TORO
Michael-Caine-in-The-Muppet-Christmas-Carol-michael-caine-2427734-779-388.jpg

The only thing better than listening to Michael Caine say anything, is listening to some bloke do an impression of Michael Caine.

Witness below "Michael Caine's" raw commentary for The Muppet Christmas Carol, the most accurate adpatation of Charles Dickens's holiday classic.

Apparently Caine is a racist, elitist asshole who hates puppets and pretty much everything else.

Dickens will never be the same.

Related >> Talking To: Jason Segel | Daily TORO: A Very Cee Lo X-mas with the Muppets

Blog DAILY TORO
ws_bioshock_infinite_2560x1600.jpg

Below you can watch the first five minutes of Irrational Games's BioShock Infinite.

In the first person shooter, players take on the role of Pinkerton agent Booker DeWitt, as he rescues a girl named Elizabeth from the flying city of Columbia in 1912 America. Themes of American Exceptionalism and ethnic purity run throughout the story. People who believe in that garbage get shot, of course.

Despite its name, BioShock Infinite is not a sequel to its wonderfully violent predecessors. It takes place before the other games and involves different characters.

BioShock Infinite will be available for Windows, Playstation 3, and Xbox 360 on March 26, 2013.

Related >> Holiday Guide: The Gift of Halo 4? | Radar: Borderlands 2

Blog DAILY TORO
bourdain-layover_208_toronto_ss_004_596x334.jpg

This summer, after years of avoiding the city on the warning of snooty chefs from Vancouver and Montreal, Anthony Bourdain finally filmed a show in Toronto. On Monday at 9 p.m., you can watch the fruits of his labour on The Layover.

In the episode, Bourdain discovers — according to the Travel Channel — that there's "more to Toronto than meets the eye" and visits Porchetta and Co., Ronnie's Local 069, Cold Tea, El Gordo, the Black Hoof, St. Lawrence Market, Tosho Knife Arts, and record store Hits and Misses.

"I like the niche mentality [in Toronto]," says Bourdain, "the general sense that anything is possible, the attitude of do it yourself that seems new to me from the first time I came here."

Bourdain featured Montreal on the last Layover season and has showcased both Montreal and Vancouver and his now-defunct show No Reservations.

Related >> Talking To: Anthony Bourdain | Daily TORO: Watch Anthony Bourdain Get Roasted

Below, Bourdain chats with Beast Chef Scott Vivian at Porchetta and Co. about the world's perceptions of Toronto.

bourdain-layover_208_toronto_ss_001_596x334.jpg

Blog DAILY TORO
n751862501_1985288_8226.jpg

According to the Associated Press, two circus elephants were saved from the Siberian cold by drinking vodka. Awesome.

The animals, staying in the city of Novosibirsk, had been forced outside after their trailer caught fire. Trainer Leonid Labo made them drink 10 litres of vodka in warm, diluted water, effectively saving them from frostbite and pneumonia. A veterinarian claimed only the tips of their ears were frostbitten.

The elephants then made out with each other and consumed 32 chicken shawarma sandwiches before passing out in their jeans on the circus's pull-out sofa.

Related >> Drinks: Vodka, On the Rock | Bob Barker: The Elephant Man

TORO FEATURED VIDEO