THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 21, 2017
 
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Running an online magazine you basically learn one thing: People who read the internet like food stories. Apparently we lifestyle "journalists" aren't the only ones who are hep to the trend … So is music mogul, Simon Cowell.

Word has it, the classy gentleman is in talks with the even classier television station, Fox, to air an American version of his new reality culinary competition: Food, Glorious, Food.  Like Food Network Canada's abysmal attempt at culinary programming, Recipe to Richesthe shows aims to find the best home cooked recipe. The winner gets a chance to sell their items at a top grocery store.  

Other than promising to squash Galen Weston in the charisma department, Simon's new television venture seems to offer little else. Even Paula Abdul wouldn't let it through to Hollywood. 

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James Blake has just announced the April 8 release of his new album, Overgrown, to the delight of our managing editor and candy munchers everywhere.

The album follows his 2011 self-titled LP which TORO called "incredible."

Overgrown's lead single, "Retrograde," also premiered today. You can listen to the song below.

"A lot of the vocal music I've been doing recently has been quite clubby," Blake has said about the album. "I think it's going to be a bit more aggressive, to be honest."

Blake will be at Vancouver's Commodore Ballroom March 25, Toronto's Danforth Music Hall May 4, and Montreal's Metropolis May 6.

Related >> In Pictures: James Blake Live at the Phoenix | Music: TORO Reviews James Blake

James Blake tour dates:

02-26 London, England - ICA
04-14 Indio, CA - Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival
04-16-17 San Francisco, CA - Mezzanine
04-18 Santa Cruz, CA - Rio Theatre
04-21 Indio, CA - Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival
04-23 Seattle, WA - Neptune
04-24 Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom
04-25 Vancouver, British Columbia - Commodore Ballroom
04-27 Salt Lake City, UT - The Depot
04-28 Denver, CO - Ogden Theatre
05-01 Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue
05-02 Chicago, IL - Metro
05-03 Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre
05-04 Toronto, Ontario - Danforth Music Hall
05-06 Montreal, Quebec - Metropolis
05-08 Boston, MA - House of Blues
05-09 New York, NY - Terminal 5
05-11 Philadelphia, PA - Theatre of Living Arts
05-12 Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
05-13 Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle
05-14 Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade
05-24 Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Sound
05-29 Madrid, Spain - Sala Capital

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Sometimes we want to watch a beautifully realized, visually stunning, technically innovative film about French people experiencing existential crises — and sometimes we just want to watch a big ass spider murder people and blow stuff up.

Luckily, Mike Mendez's Big Ass Spider premieres at the SXSW Film Festival in March. In the movie, a giant alien spider escapes from a lab and starts destorying Los Angeles, and it's up to a doughy exterminator (Greg Grunberg) to save the day.

The trailer is brutal, cheesy and full of hot girls, as is B-movie horror tradition. Most importantly, in the preamble, Mendez channels his inner Liam Neeson: "Please don't download [my movie] for free, because I will find you and I will kill you." We like that honesty, Mike!

Hopefully Big Ass Spider makes its way to NXNE in June.

Related >> Daily TORO: Monsters Fight Robots in the Pacific Rim Trailer

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Now you have a reason to not watch the Grammys — again. The sexually repressed fascists who run CBS's Ministry of Truth Standard and Practice board have banned side-boobs, ass cracks, and poonanies from the Grammys this Sunday.

In a "Wardrobe Advisory" email somehow obtained by Deadline, CBS asks female (and male?) guests to refrain from showing "bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack[s]," "bare sides or under curvature of the breasts," "genital region[s]," and — no! — "lapel pins."

What is this, Utah? Does CBS want every female celebrity to look like a Lady Quaker?

If an entire nation of perverts can't jerk off to Miley Cyrus's wailing cleavage than we don't want to live.

You can read the entire baffling email below.

Related >> Newtown Kids to Sing "Call Me Maybe" at Grammys | Listed: 6 WTF?! Grammy Wins

"***GRAMMYS 2013***

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory."

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For the first time, there will actually be a queen in Queens of the Stone Age.

Last night, on Chelsea Lately ​(we had never heard of it either), with guest host Dave Grohl, Elton John revealed that he recently played piano on the band's forthcoming album and described the process as "a mind-fuck." John happened to be recording an Engelbert Humperdinck album in a Los Angeles studio not far from the Queens' own sessions and decided to stop by.

John noted that he did not sing any ballads or songs about cartoon animals with the Queens. But if you doubt John can rock out, then you haven't heard "Madman Across the Water." Also, you're an idiot.

Trent Reznor, Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters, and of course Grohl — who hasn't played drums with the Queens' since their more than awesome 2002 album Songs for the Deaf — will also appear on the album, due sometime this year.

Related >> Elton John: Jesus Was Gay (Awesome)

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This sounds like an awful idea: According to the Associated Press, a choir of children from Newtown will sing Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" at the Grammys.

This Sunday, human infommercial Ryan Seacrest will fly to Connecticut and interview the children via satellite for E!'s Live from the Red Carpet Grammy preshow.

The children have also sung on Good Morning America and copies of their version of "Over the Rainbow" are being sold on Amazon and iTunes.

"This opportunity to do something positive lets the kids know that...wonderful things can come out of life, so don't get discouraged," said Sabrina Post, head of the Newtown performing arts school. "It teaches them to use their gifts to work through things."

We guess so?

Critics of the sideshow claim that the children are being exploited for ratings, while critics of critics claim what matters is that the children are happy and don't feel exploited.

But kids are neither fully aware of themselves or the problems of society — that's what being a kid is. They're innocent because they don't know a lot about anything and that's why we like them.

It's an uncomfortable debate that exists outside the scope of this blog, but don't be ashamed if you feel like taking a bath after hearing about it.

Related >> Baffling Things Said from the NRA's Newtown Statement


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Democracy is truly the ruling of the crazed masses. In a shocking miscarriage of justice not seen since Pontius Pilate sentenced Jesus Christ to death, a "jury" of Monopoly fans have voted to replace the iconic iron token with a cat (pictured above).

Hasbro made the announcement after polls closed at midnight, Wednesday morning. According to Monopoly's Facebook page, the iron "will spend the rest of its life behind bars" with no chance of appeal or a Get Out of Jail Free card. The classic shoe and wheelbarrow tokens were also close to emprisonment.

The board game's spokesman, Rich Uncle Pennybags, last seen fleeing to Cuba in the race car token in the face of tax evasion charges, was not available for comment. 

Monopoly channels the uber-capitalist in us all, encouraging players to buy up as much real estate as possible, stockpile money, and force competitors into lives of bankruptcy and shame — recommended for ages eight and up!

Other tokens that contested for a spot on the Monopoly board included a robot, diamond ring, guitar, and one-inch bust of Bernie Madoff.

Related >> Daily TORO: Canndian Monopoly Defies the Logic of Real Estate

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Witness below the trailer for HBO's Phil Spector with Al Pacino and his army of wigs in the title role.

Phil Spector follows the murder trial of actress Lana Clarkson and the relationship between the legendary music producer Spector and his defence attorney Linda Kenney Baden, played by Helen Mirren. The film also stars Rebecca Pidgeon, Jeffrey Tambor, and Chiwetel Ejiofor. David Mamet writes and directs.

The trailer's best line: "The first time you got felt up — guess what? — you were listening to one of my songs." Actually, the first time we got felt up, the only thing we heard was crying. But that's another court case.

The movie doesn't actually look half-bad, it's just that Pacino as Spector looks half-cretin. And by half, we mean full.

Phil Spector premieres on HBO (and file sharing sites everywhere) March 24.

Related >> Film: TORO Reviews Pacino's Stand Up Guys | Radar: Views from the Boardwalk

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With apologies to the company formerly known as RIM, the Blackberry Z10 is not the most sought-after gadget in Canada, despite today's highly anticipated launch.

The honour for hottest Canadian tech gadget of 2013 goes to the Bud Red Light.

Canadians waited (not so) patiently for the National Hockey League’s return and now thanks to Ron Kovacs  — handyman and former NHL goal judge — the game-day experience has been taken up a notch or two.

The esteemed Mr. Kovacs stopped by the TORO office yesterday to install our very own Bud Red Light and we couldn’t wait to see it in action. The device, a goal light for your very own home — or in our case, office — lights up and sounds every time your team scores.

ourbudredlight.jpgKovacs had been installing the lights in the homes of friends before catching the attention of Budweiser Canada, so the story goes.

And now Budweiser has upped the ante, creating an app tied to the NHL schedule. Download the app for iPhone or Android, select your favourite team, link your Bud Red Light to wifi and when your team scores, the goal light flashes and the horn sounds. It's true, we tested it.

The devices are hard to come by. Priced at $149, they sold out in a matter of hours in Canada after being launched during the Super Bowl.

But you can pre-order for May … just in time for the playoffs!

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Mumford and Sons, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, Sigur Ros, the Postal Service, the XX, and Vampire Weekend are headlining Sasquatch! Music Festival(!!!). You can check out the full poster below.

Also playing the four-day outdoor tent orgy include Primus, Azealia Banks, Arctic Monkeys, Cake, the Lumineers, Empire of the Sun, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Bloc Party, Tame Impala, and Toro Y Moi, and Earl Sweatshirt.

Canadian acts include Grimes, Japandroids, Shad, Elliott Brood, and Suuns.

Comedy acts include Nick Offerman, Mike Birbiglia, and Kyle Kinane.

Sasquatch! will take place May 24 to 27 (Memorial Day weekend) at the breathtaking Gorge Amphitheatre in George, Washington.

Related >> Daily TORO: Broken Social Scene, Feist Reunite at Field Trip Festival | Daily TORO: Phoenix, Blur, Stone Roses Headline Coachella

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Chefs Kiyoshiro Yamamoto and Susumu Ueda, as well as the ownership group for Typhoon Restaurant Inc., face felony charges for serving illegal, endangered whale meat.

The group was originally charged with misdemeanours three years ago when it was discovered that their restaurant the Hump was serving Sei whale on its tasting menu.

Yamamoto could receive up to 67 years in jail while the ownership group faces a $1.2 million fine.

The sting was orchestrated by Pennywise singer Zoltán Téglás and the producers of the dolphin hunting documentary The Cove. Allegedly, a waitress from the Hump has described a dish as containing whale. A piece of the fish was then analyzed in a lab and declared Sei whale meat.

Whale hunting is legal in Japan and Norway, but its import into the United States is illegal.

Related >> Daily TORO: Ahoy! Bluefin Tuna Sells for $1.76 Million | Photo of the Day: April 1965 - Whale Hunting

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Senator John McCain has just made a racist joke about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and doesn't care. Oh, John.

The all too familiar display of senility bordering on idiocy was a response to Ahmadinejad's desire to be the first Iranian astronaut to go to space after his Islamic state dubiously announced that it had sent a monkey there.

"So Ahmadinejad wants to be first Iranian in space," tweeted McCain. "Wasn't he just there last week?" After receiving immediate criticism from the Twitterverse, McCain responded with old white man indignation: "Re: Iran space tweet — lighten up folks, can't everyone take a joke?"

Not when it's racist, you geriatric zombie bagpipe!

Like any sane person under 120-years-old, congressman and Republican Justin Amash did not appreciate McCain's sense of humour. "Maybe you should wisen up & not make racist jokes," he tweeted back.

McCain was not available for further comment as the mechanics who operate his body thought it best he drink a glass of warm milk and retire for a screening of The Birth of a Nation.

Dear Congress: It's about time that you put Senator McCain to sleep.

Related >> Daily TORO: Michelle Obama Thinks John Boehner Is a Tool

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This weekend, Toronto's hip hop boy-prince Aubrey Drake Graham released "Started from the Bottom" (attached below), the first song from his forthcoming sophomore album. Drake initially planned to premiere the song during Grammy night, but decided to premature erapulate it instead.

As you can imagine from the song's title, "Started from the Bottom" continues Drake's plea to society, that he did, in fact, work hard to get where he is (the top).

"I feel sometimes that people don't have enough information about my beginnings and therefore they make up a life story for me that isn't consistent with actual events," said Drake on his OVO blog. "I am proud of every part of my past and I'm excited for this song to find a place in your life as well."

Concerning how the songs sounds, gone is Drake's auto-croon and ladies man mantra."Started from the Bottom," is more aggresive, matter of fact fare a la Kendrick Lamar or A$AP Rocky.

Related >> Music Reviews: Drake's Take Care | Daily TORO: Mozel Tov! Drake Graduates from High School

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Were you too lazy (or drunk) to sit through yesterday's Super Bowl match, blackout and all? Did you miss you all of those $3.8 million 30-second ads when you were taking a dump? Well, lucky for you Daily TORO has no life and has listed the five best Super Bowl TV spots below.

Our list features  Hollywood funny men (Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen for Samsung), movie previews (Star Trek Into Darkness and Iron Man 3), a man chasing a Cheetah (Skechers), and Israeli bombshell Bar Rafaeli making out with that kid you beat up in high school (Go Daddy).

Honourable mention goes to Kia's adorable "Space Babies" commercial for [1] reminding us that we don't hate everything, and [2] proving again why American car companies have nothing on Asia.

Related >> Throwin Smoke: Super Bowl Champ Ray Lewis Is No Hero | TORO TV: Super Bowl Workout


Samsung: "The Next Big Thing"

Star Trek Into Darkness: Full TV Spot

Iron Man 3: Extended TV Spot

Skechers: Man vs. Cheetah

Go Daddy: "Perfect Match - Bar Rafaeli's Big Kiss"

Kia: "Space Babies"

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It's Poutine Week in Montreal! Let's get drunk and make bad decisons!

Today marks the first day of first annual celebration of fries, cheese curds, and gravy. Officially known as Semaine de la Poutine, the festival encourages people to explore the Montreal culinary scene, dining on "special poutines at special prices." At each of the 30 participating restaurants, a large serving sells for $10 while a sampler sells for $5. 

After gorging, diners can go to the Poutine Week website and vote for their favourite poutine purveyor.

"A lot of fun happens when people get together late at night around a plate of poutine," says Poutine Week founder Na'eem Adam. "We all have a little gravy in our blood." Agreed.

Some restaurants will be sticking to the classic formula while other competitors will experiment. Burgundy Lion Pub, for example, will serve "Poutine Anglaise" with Stilton cheese.

The festival also includes events like the Poutine Job and a tasting at Igloofest.

Related >> TORO TV: Caplansky's Smoked Meat Poutine

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Courtney Lenz (above, doing the Sexy), a 23-year-old cheerleader for the Baltimore Ravens, claims that she was not invited to this Sunday's Super Bowl because of weight gain. Lenz was the only veteran of three or more years to not make the cut.

While the Ravens said that Lenz was cut for having a "rough year," the cheerleader did not buy it. She claims that she was benched earlier in the season for gaining 1.8 pounds. To Lenz's shock, the cheerleading coach then asked her to drop another five pounds.

"I'm not going to do anything to my body and health that affects me in the future," says Lenz.

"They just aren’t consistent and it isn’t fair. That’s why I brought this to the attention of the fans because what they’re doing isn’t right.”

And the fans have responded. A Facebook group called "Help us get Courtney to the Superbowl" already has over 5,100 Likes.

Related >> Food: Toronto's Top Super Bowl Takeout | Listed: 8 Insane Super Bowl Ads

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Iron and Wine are back to make everyone sad and pensive with their new album Ghost on Ghost, out April 16 via their new label Nonesuch. You can listen to their first song of the album, "Lovers' Revolution," below.

Ghost on Ghost follows 2011's Kiss Each Other Clean and is produced by Iron and Wine regular Brian Deck. Musicians on the album include Rob Burger, Steve Bernstein, Brian Blade, Curtis Fowlkes, Tony Garnier, Marika Hughes, Briggan Kraus, Maxim Moston, Tony Scherr, Doug Wieselman, Kenny Wolleson, and Anja Wood.

In a press release, songwriter Jesus the Christ Sam Beam claims that making Ghost on Ghost "felt like an award" given the "anxious tension" that surrounded the creation of the band's two previous records.

Well, if "Lovers' Revolution" is any indication, the new album will be decidedly less Garden State and decidedly more Manhattan jazz bar.

Ghost on Ghost's tracklist:

1. Caught in the Briars
2. The Desert Babbler
3. Joy
4. Low Light Buddy of Mine
5. Graces for Saints and Ramblers
6. Grass Windows
7. Singers and the Endless Song
8. Sundown (Back in the Briars)
9. Winter Prayers
10. New Mexico's No Breeze
11. Lovers' Revolution
12. Baby Center Stage

Related >> Garage Sessions: Bahamas

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ESPN's Marc Stein is reporting that the Memphis Grizzlies have agreed in principal to a deal that would send their star small forward Rudy Gay to the Toronto Raptors.

According to his sources, Stein claims that Toronto will land Gay and centre Hamed Haddadi for Ed Davis and Jose Calderon. The Detroit Pistons will then send Tayshaun Prince and Austin Daye to Memphis for Calderon.

If the Grizzlies and Raptors have indeed agreed to the deal in principal, the swap will need to be approved by each club's respective ownership group tonight.

Allegedly the Raptors have wanted Gay since the 2012 NBA Draft. Memphis was looking to land rookie Terrence Ross but Toronto brass immediately deemed him untouchable.

Not since the Vince Carter era has Toronto boasted a star small forward. Gay brings an athleticism, defensive presence, and scoring touch the Raptors need for a playoff push this season.

Related >> Daily TORO: Raptors' Mid Season Report Card Not Good | Daily TORO: Kevin Durant Wanted to Be a Raptor

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It's finally happened: a preview for a preview for a movie that hasn't come out yet. Witness below the teaser for the Iron Man 3 60-second TV commercial set to air during this Sunday's Super Bowl broadcast. Got that?

Jargon aside, the short clip is full of new footage and reveals Don Cheadle as the Iron Patriot, which according to nerds, is a big deal.

Taking a page from Hollywood's Big Book of Rip-Offs, Iron Man 3 is the Dark Knight-iest of the franchise. Directed by Shane Black (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang), the movie sees our hero Tony Stark take on "an enemy whose reach knows no bounds." Also, he pouts.

The film stars Robert Downey Jr. in the title role, Gwyneth Paltrow as the love interest, Don Cheadle as Terrence Howard, and Ben Kingsley as a racial stereotype.

Iron Man 3 hits theatres in 2-,3-, and LS-D May 13, 2013.

Related >> Film Reviews: Iron Man 2 | Film Reviews: The Avengers

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For the most part, Super Bowl food is gross — a grimy mélange of frozen meat run-off and stale two-for-one potato chips picked up Friday evening on the way home from work. We get it, you’re busy, but Sunday eating doesn't have to be this way.

We’re living in the Golden Age of comfort food. Restaurants everywhere have learned that simple wants like beer and pizza never get old. In short: “junk” food, when properly done, is anything but.

Below are some of Toronto’s Top Super Bowl Takeout options — affordable and delicious takes on classic sports grub.

Related >> TORO TV: Caplansky's French Fries and Onion Rings | The Thompson Diner's Grilled Cheese Burger

Pizza: Vinny Massimo’s

When it comes to grabbing a quick bite or half-ass-ing it with delivery, accept no exceptions. Vinny Massimo's has been serving toothsome, thin-sliced pizza to Torontonians for over 30 years, and currently nourishes a new generation of hipsters at its Queen West location by the Drake Hotel. The party-sized Pizza Margherita ($23) is a must, as is the Pizza Giardinetto ($26) for the veggies — God bless ‘em — among you.

367 College Street and 1130 Queen Street West | 416-967-0527

Fried Chicken: The Stockyards Smokehouse and Larder

It’s a consensus among anyone with a palate that the Stockyards makes the best fried chicken in the city. The bird — brined for 24 hours and then marinated for 24 hours in buttermilk and thyme — is routinely featured on blogs and has even gone viral. Prices will vary depending on how drunk you plan to be and whether you want the sides (fries; coleslaw; hot sauce).

699 St. Clair Avenue West | 416-658-9666 | info@thestockyards.ca | @TheStockyards

Sandwiches: Black Camel

Continuing our theme of midtown excellence is Rosedale’s Black Camel. Don’t be intimidated by the neighbourhood: this food is hearty fare enjoyed by S.O.B’s (south of Bloor-ers) and suburban folk too. All of the sandwiches are about $7 a pop, and we recommend the Slow Roasted Beef Brisket or the Pulled Pork, which is roasted overnight for 13-14 hours. Good old chili ($3.25/$5.25) is also on the menu.

4 Crescent Road | 416-929-7518 | info@blackcamel.ca |@Black_Camel

Hot Dogs: Fancy Franks Gourmet Hot Dogs

We know what some of you’re thinking: “Excuse me! Hotdogs, by definition, aren’t gourmet!” But we never listened to you anyway because you have no friends. Anyway, Fancy Franks Gourmet Hot Dogs is a relatively new joint with an elevated approach to the wiener. The Frankaphone ($9) topped with smoked Gruyere, horseradish cheddar, curds, and honey Dijon mayo is gluttony at its best. But if you’re looking for something more pigskin, just stick with the Corn Dog ($6.25).

326 College Street | 416-920-3647 | @FancyFranks

Sushi: Japango

Sushi is probably the best finger food — it’s the clean, delicious, one-bite-wonder. The stuff they serve in arenas, however, is overpriced garbage repurposed as a “treat.” So stick with the reliable takeout option of Japango, a restaurant that’s been serving downtowners for over 10 years. As with most sushi menus, Japango’s selection is vast so be sure to do your research before ordering.

122 Elizabeth Street | 416-599-5557 | @Japango122

Beer: Great Lakes Brewery

Did you think that we would assemble a Super Bowl grub list without beer? With 25 years of experience, Great Lakes Brewery is Toronto’s most renowned purveyor of craft and the 2012 Golden Tap winner for cask-conditioned ale. While classic beers like Crazy Canuck and Devil's Pale Ale 666 are available in the LCBO, many of Great Lakes’ beers are only available at their west end location. Try the smooth Golden Horseshoe Premium Lager, which marries well with the heavy, meaty snacks above. Or purchase the brewery’s newest potion, Apocalypse Later, an Imperial Black IPA.

30 Queen Elizabeth Boulevard | 416-255-4510 | info@greatlakesbeer.com | @GreatLakesBeer

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