THURSDAY DECEMBER 14, 2017
 
Blog TORO MAN
ED KOCH / BALTIMORE RAVENS
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TORO has been covering the beautiful and talented women of the world for years. For all the guys who feel left out, we celebrate all that can be done by the stronger, dumber sex.


ED KOCH, MAYOR OF TELEVISION

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Most of you knew Ed Koch as the wily curmudgeon who succeeded Wapner on The People’s Court, but he was also the former mayor of a bustling American metropolis. You may remember it as the cesspool settings of Midnight Cowboy and Taxi Driver.

That was more or less the New York Koch inherited in 1978. Ten years later, the city had undergone the AIDS epidemic, class shifts and racial tension, but emerged absent more than a few layers of scuzz.

Koch himself, carefully examined in a recent documentary bearing his name, was an odd figure. Populist but private, especially about his sexuality, he didn’t fit the mould of any particular kind of politician. He passed in the early morning hours of February 1 of congestive heart failure, still best remember at large for turning petty litigious battles into essential entertainment.



BALTIMORE RAVENS, CHAMPIONS

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This year’s Super Bowl didn’t feature any nipple slips. Its roster of commercials was pretty damn weak. The most jaw-dropping fumble didn’t occur on the field, but in the surrounding arena while an electrical malfunction plunged half the crowd into darkness.

This year’s game didn’t feature a single defining story, but a bunch of smaller ones — from the final hours in the troubled career of Ray Lewis, the emergence of Joe Flacco, and the (somewhat incidental) brother-to-brother coaching showdown. Supporting those angles was a game of football that was almost exciting enough to justify the pomp and circumstance surrounding it.

Considering the ever-increasing volume of Super Bowl viewers who could otherwise care less about football, the Ravens took its significance from the commercial break and put it back onto the field.



RICHARD III, PARKING SPACE

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Richard III of England (ruled 1483- 1485) got his own Shakesperean play, to give you some idea of his importance. He was one of the slyest of Shakespeare’s leading men, and we’re sure his real-life inspiration was a cool dude, as well. But history makes pavement of us all, Kings and peasants alike. 

This past week, British scientists announced they had discovered the apparent remains of King Dick 3 buried underneath a parking lot. After examining DNA samples pulled from the 15th century equivalent of a CSI crime lab (crime wagon?) and skeletal shape archeologists say that their findings are conclusive beyond a doubt. Now his remains can finally be put to proper rest, in an abandoned abbey beside a Dixy Chicken outlet.

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