TORO has been covering the beautiful and talented women of the world for years. For all the guys who feel left out, we celebrate all that can be done by the stronger, dumber sex.

Robin Gibb, Disco King
Like fellow pop-disco pioneers ABBA, The Bee Gees’ larger-than-life reputation and commercial success overshadows their importance. Every young music fan worth their salt rediscovers and reevaluates them at one point or another. Much of their success was owed to Barry Gibb’s masterful songwriting, but he couldn’t have done it without the soulful, trembling vocals of his brother Robin. After a few years of recording serviceable pop tunes, Robin left the group temporarily and became a successful songwriter in his own right, scoring a top five U.K. hit with “Saved by the Bell,” but rejoined the group in their most successful mid-'70s period.  

For helping to make tight pants and falsetto singing acceptable tools for getting laid — and those insanely popular tunes, of course, Robin Gibb was a man for the ages. 

Researchers at Oxford University have begun searching for Bigfoot like he was a wanted criminal. They will use DNA analysis of a supposedly authentic “shaft of hair” to see if a genetic uniqueness can be ascertained, explains project leader Bryan Sykes with a straight face. After trying for years to confirm the existence of Nepalese Yetis, his scientific attention has turned to the various “man-apes” in cross-cultural folklore.

That includes our own North American man-ape. You might know him as Sasquatch, Skunk Ape or Bill from accounting, but his characteristics remain consistent: offensive odour, free-range body hair and sloped posture. Like any real man he knows how to survive in the woods, doesn’t run his mouth to the tourists and wrestles grizzly bears on a regular basis. For proudly living the single life in a country full of comely female campers, Bigfoot is truly a TORO Man ... ish creature.

Yong Hyun Kim, Child Puncher
We expect some controversy over this one, but hear us out. Twenty-one-year-old Kent, Washington resident Yong Hyun Kim is facing felony assault charges for slapping a 10-year-old, something that we don’t condone under any circumstances. Except maybe if that child is ruining your date. During a recent screening of Titanic 3D, which is — it’s worth pointing out — like four hours long, Kim confronted a group of children yelling loudly and throwing popcorn. After the children refused to cease their poor behaviour, Kim backhanded one of them, causing a nosebleed and lost tooth. Hitting a kid doesn’t make you a man, but for doing what every single person reading this has secretly wanted to at some point in their lives, he deserves your morally corrupted respect. And a stint in a court-mandated anger management program along with community service.

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